


Boys Will Be Boys

by blackbuttons



Category: 21 Jump Street (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Falling In Love, High School, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love/Hate, M/M, McDonald's, Past Character Death, Peter Deluise - Freeform, Physical Abuse, Prison, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Drugs, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, johnny depp - Freeform, stepmother - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbuttons/pseuds/blackbuttons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixteen year old, Tommy McQuaid has just finished his 18 month sentence for manslaughter. Who and what is waiting for him when he returns to the outside? Will his demons come back to haunt him? What skeletons is he hiding in his closet?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_****Authors Note** This story is where Tommy and Doug aren't police officers they are actually teenagers and brothers:) hope you enjoy..** _

 

Chapter One

 

"About time you got out of here, Tommy-boy" the guard chuckles as he clamps the icy metallic cuffs around my wrists. I give him a chilling grin and gave one last look behind me, finally leaving this oppressive hell-hole I've called home for the past 18 months; 'home', funny word. "Open holding cell 43!" he shouts down the block to the other guards, the cell door slides open and I can almost taste the freedom waiting for me as he accompanies me through the cell block, one final time. "Stay clean man!" "Be seeing you soon, McQuaid" "Try not to get anyone killed out there, fool!" Still grinning, laughing at all the cat calls.

"Open Cell Block H" Another loud buzzing sound and the door of the cell block opened walking through my heart rate quickened, this is it man I thought to myself, this is me out! Standing at the main entrance as one of the female guards gave me all my personal belongings that I'd had on me when I'd been taken into custody; phone, keys, wallet and a piece of string. 18 months since I had seen the contents of a normal teenagers pocket. Smiling slightly to myself I picked them up along with the clothes I'd had on before being arrested, stuffing them in the clear plastic bin bag along with the contents of my cell I swung it over my shoulder as a guard started the process of unlocking the entrance.

"Be good, McQuaid. We don't want to see you back here. Understand? Keep your nose clean. No drugs. No weapons. No joy riding, no stupidity." I rolled my eyes, "Yes _sir_." My cold charcoal eyes bored into the guards light blue ones, he looked away uncomfortably. I turned to walk out of the door "One more thing McQuaid." I turned slowly on my heel to look at him "Do not let that older brother of yours lead you astray" I snorted.  
"More like the other way around, mate." He laughed disbelievingly.  
  
Strolling down the front steps of the prison and across to the car park I saw my older brother Doug, my best friend, smoking a fag sat on the bonnet of our car a shitty little bright red Ford KA. Jumping off the car and flicking the butt into the gutter he ran to me grabbing me into a tight hug "Tommy, bro, it's been too long man." Dropping my bin bag I hugged him back gripping the back of his leather jacket tightly. "You look older man, tougher, more muscle" he said pulling away from me looking me up and down grinning. I looked into his face noticing for the first time how haggard and roughed up he looked. The dark shadows beneath his eyes could not disguise his evident black eye, which coincidentally coordinated with his split lip both looked relatively new. "Dude, what happened to your face?" Knowing the answer before Doug answered. "I fell." He said uncomfortably  
"Oh, wow, dude, seriously you're going to use that one on me? I know that is a favorite to tell the teachers. I meant what did Dad do to you?" He scowled clearly annoyed about the turn in conversation.  
"Come on Tom, you just got out of jail why do you want to talk about him for?" he replied taking out a packet of Pall Mall cigarettes from his jacket pocket offering me one he gave me a light before lighting his own.

"You never call me Tom." I commented as we turned walking to the car Doug shrugged  
"You were pissing me off." He said simply.  
"Can I drive?" I asked hopefully popping the boot and dropping my bag and slamming it shut.  
"No, you're 16, and they'll put you right back in there for breaching your license conditions." He said pointing back to the tall red brick building, barred windows and watchtowers. "It's not so bad you know if you know how to handle yourself like I do. No thanks to Dad." Doug ignored me and got in the car. Sighing sensing defeat I got in the passenger seat, slamming the door and adjusting the seat pushing it all the way back and resting my dirty combat boots on the dash board. "Tommy." I removed my feet and put on my seat belt "Thank you."

Doug didn't start the car immediately instead he turned in his seat to look at me with a sincere look on his face; "You want to know about Dad." He turned back in his seat gnawing on his bottom lip "He hasn't changed. Hasn't magically turned back into the Dad we had before Mum died. Truth be told he's worse. It's not just when he's drunk, doesn't say sorry after it happens, and no more promises to change. It's for ridiculous things now, like if you drop something, slam a door, take too long in the shower. You been inside for so long, and don't take this the wrong way but you might not realize how different or how much you may have forgotten about what it's like living with him." His eyes were fixed intently on the steering wheel. "We'll be okay dude; seriously I'll be fine trust." Nodding he started the car and drove off.

Watching the scenery race by through the window, I let my mind wonder, thinking about how everything has changed even in a relatively short time; tall tower blocks and grey houses and shops flashed by the window swiftly replaced by country side, lush green flowing grass and barley stalks flew by, as soon as the pleasant countryside had come it was gone, back were more tall grey buildings and shops. Sighing I felt my eye lids growing heavier and heavier, finally giving in I closed my eyes succumbing to sleep.

Sometime later I was being poked awake "Tommy wake up we're home." A knot suddenly tightened itself in the pit my stomach, swallowing nervously I opened the door looking up at the house that held so many bad memories. I grabbed my plastic bin bag containing 18 months' worth of my life. I walked slightly behind Doug across the uneven mossy grey concrete slabs up the path toward the grime streaked front door, white paint peeling in great strips. "Relax man, Dad isn't home yet." Doug said sensing my discomfort, a small wave of relief washed over me but the knot stayed horribly in my stomach.

Opening the door we stepped inside "hasn't changed much." I commented looking round the living room the two once cream coloured couches stained a greyish colour by cigarette smoke, overflowing ashtrays sat on the cracked, smeared glass coffee table, mountains of unpaid and unopened bills piled beneath it. I noticed there was something different immediately, in fact there were two differences about the room; one was there was a huge flat screen television hanging on the wall and the second was the picture of Mum had gone from the mantelpiece instead it had been replaced with a wedding scene. Moving up close I noticed it was Dad wearing a black tuxedo stood smiling face to face with a tall blonde woman. "Is this her?" I asked taking the picture off the piece to look closer.  
"What?" asked Doug turning to see what I was looking at "Oh, yeah that's her." I gripped the picture tightly anger coursing through my veins. I slammed the picture back down, turned and stormed out of the room and up the stairs.

"Tommy, Tommy?" Doug shouted coming after me. I banged the door open to our bedroom; my bed was still made the way I left it "Did you leave my bed the way I left it?" he ignored me and just continued to stare at me as I felt round sides of the mattress looking for the slit in the seam. Finding it I slid my hand through it blindly feeling around inside the stuffing, finally the touch of cold metal on my fingers, grabbing the object I pulled it out. I looked at the gun in my hand mesmerized "Tommy McQuaid always carries a gun."I said looking at him a manic look in my eye. Doug smiled  
"I missed you man" he laughed his eyes sparkling; he collapsed beside me on my bed. I looked at the clock on the windowsill 6:30pm "W-what time does Dad normally get home?" I asked he looked at the clock.  
"Around about now usually." He replied gloomily.  
"Oh, right" I said. Looking around for something to defuse the awkward situation I spotted a pack of Marlboro cigarettes on the windowsill; leaning across to get them I took two out giving one to Doug. Dragging on the fag made me feel calmer and more relaxed. Every car that drove past made me jumpy. I ran my hands through my hair as ash from the cigarette in my mouth floated gracefully to the ground, "You got an ashtray?" I asked looking round for one Doug nodded to the open window "Chuck it out there." I stood up and walked to the window and flicked the butt out on to the street below, just as a car was pulling into the driveway "He's home!"  
"Chill Tommy he'll only come up to see you're here and then leave, he won't do anything. I won't let him." The front door slammed. I looked at Doug who smiled reassuringly; whilst in prison I had tried to bulk up and be ready and able to fight back but looking at Doug and how much bigger than me he was and how roughed up he was. _I don't stand a chance_ , I thought.

"DOUGLAS GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" a loud angry yell came from downstairs. Doug stood up sticking his middle finger up at the door "dickhead" he muttered rolling his eyes at me wrenching the door open and strolling down the stairs. Sticking my head out of the bedroom door all I could hear was murmuring coming from lower level, going back into the room I sat on the bed. "DAD, DAD LEAVE HIM!" I heard Doug yelling followed by thundering on the stairs, I stood up moving away from the door as it crashed open. "So, you're back." The man that stood before me had not changed a bit; it was still the man that haunted my nightmares. Ripped blue jeans faded from years of wear, black polo shirt was stained and had a cigarette hole on the collar, khaki coloured construction boots clothed the tall well-muscled man, his shaved head and piercing black eyes still scared the shit out of me, tattoos littered his arms and his neck. I said nothing, when I was younger I would have had a smart-arsed reply but none came to mind. "Wow, for once the brat has nothing to say, you know I always knew you would grow to be a bad one. Not a good bone in your body is there" he spoke as though he was a preacher circling me as he came to face me again I smirked and said "oh and I suppose that all the bones in your body are just perfectly good and wholesome huh?" *Crack* the slap that unfolded across my cheek made my face flip to the side gritting my teeth I turned back to face him determined not to let him see me in pain, this being something I learnt in prison, never show your weaknesses. "Tough guy now are you? Been to prison think you're the big man? Murder someone think it makes you untouchable?" he said putting his face right in mine pushing my shoulder all the while. "I don't know about that but prison sure does" I answered staring straight into his eyes. *Crack* the second slap made my eyes water I blinked the salty wetness away and turned my face to my fathers, cheek throbbing painfully. Laughing my father turned to Doug punching him square in the face before he even had a chance to react, blood spurted everywhere as he fell to the floor clutching his face. "You fucking arsehole!" I yelled grabbing his arm preventing him from taking another swing at Doug. Next thing I knew I was being slammed into the wall, one handed my father had pushed me holding me by my neck restricting my airway. Struggling to breath I gasped out "g-get the f-u-ck of-f m-e!"

"You little shit think you can waltz back in here disrupting my new life, no one missed you. Not even your precious Douglas. I'm a whole lot bigger than you kid, don't think you can lay a hand on me and get away with it." He hissed in my ear, hand still close around my neck he turned away before yanking me to the floor by my neck, I coughed and spluttered gasping for clean air, laughing he left the room slamming the door behind him, when the door had closed I heard a click of a lock bolting us inside.

"No, no I can't be locked in here no please God no!" I begged clambering to my feet stumbling across to the door banging loudly on it "please, please no" as the panic began rising through my stomach up to my throat constricting my breathing pattern again. "Tommy, Tommy!" Doug was tugging at my sleeve away from the door, alarm clear in his bloody face. "Its okay man look the window's open, we'll go out there in an hour or so okay? Go buy some cheap beer and I've got some weed alright?" Touching his forehead against mine he closed his eyes as the panic and stress relieved itself from my body.

I sat on my bed back resting against the wall looking around the room that held memories of a happy childhood that went sour after our Mum died. Mine and Doug's beds were cramped up along the wall opposite the door, end to end; two aged chest-of-drawers stood either side of the door one to the left of the door opposite my bed was mine the drawers were all pushed back into the chest the top clear apart from a thin layer of dust and an overflowing ashtray; whereas the one to the right of the door belonged to Doug who's drawers were pulled out clothes and random items were hanging out rough, as though someone had been looking for something even though I knew they hadn't because Doug was just messy like that, I had been too, before prison where everything had to be in its own place or else there was loss of privileges; the top of Doug's chest-of-drawers was littered with empty cigarette packets, old lighters, deodorant cans, hair gel, sweet wrappers and tiny plastic bags that had most likely contained cannabis or more.

The football wallpaper that covered the walls was peeling off in great strips and a single light bulb hung dismally from the ceiling swaying every so often as the breeze from the open window caught it. "Doug?" I looked over to where he was sat on the windowsill face to the road beyond. "Doug?" I said again a little louder this time when he did not respond,  
"Sorry" he said taking his headphones off, "What's up?" he asked looking at me questioningly.  
"Can we just go now?" I whined "He won't notice, please?" I looked at him begging him silently with my eyes.  
"Fuck it why not; you're right he won't come back up here." He grinned at me hopping off the windowsill, turning he pulled the window up fully before clambering out clinging onto the drain pipe and working his way down. Once down he ducked below the downstairs window and sprinted as best he could before vaulting the front garden wall sitting with his back to it his legs tucked up beneath his chin so he couldn't be seen from the house windows.

I had noticed a half full little bag of weed whilst I had been sat on my bed grabbing it, along with a cigarette lighter checking it worked before pocketing it and a half empty carton of fags before grabbing my non sleeved ripped denim jacket and clambering out of the window mimicking what Doug had done just moments earlier.

"Are you good?" Doug asked looking at me seconds later. "Yep, I'm sweet. Let's go." I said grinning at him, turning staying low before running out of sight of the house standing up when I knew I was safe turning around I watched Doug come after me. A car rounded the corner, at the same time Doug bundled me into an alleyway "Shush" Doug warned before sticking his head around the corner watching the car drive off down the street and turning into our driveway. "Erm Doug, not being funny but who is that?" I asked giving him a funny look. "Her." He said simply I didn't feel the need to ask who 'Her' was.

Walking down the middle of the street the orange glow from the street lights reflected off car windows, stopping to check my reflection in a car wing mirror I noticed my cheek was slightly red still and there were bruises forming on my neck I stood up straight blowing smoke out of my mouth. After walking in silence for a few minutes we turned into a deserted park wandering across it toward the 24/7 shop, hanging outside I waited for Doug to get some cheap vodka and beer with some money he had nicked out of Dad's wallet previously. Five minutes later I was getting restless thinking perhaps Doug's fake ID hadn't worked. I sneaked a look through the frosted glass and could just about make out Doug at the counter handing over money. Satisfied I sat down on the pavement and waited. Not for long though as he came out with two plastic bags. "Sweet!" I grinned "Oh and I picked up that bag of weed from your drawer's top." Winking Doug replied,   
"I thought you might have, so I bought some tobacco and papers." Grinning at each other we made our way back to the park.

"So is school on this week or is it like half term or something?" I asked dreading the answer, the only reason for going to school was to get out of the house. "Yeah man unfortunately school is on and your new form tutor said he would see you bright and early tomorrow morning for registration." He laughed as I groaned and rolled my eyes.  
"Who'd I get?" I asked baiting my breath.  
"Mr Harrison" he replied cracking the lid off the vodka bottle as we collapsed in a well shadowed corner of the park  
"Mr Harrison are you kidding me? He hated me when I was there the first time." I complained, thinking how school could get any worse. "Not like you ever really went anyway." Doug laughed.  
"Yeah true" I grinned at my brother "man my attendance was so bad like 47% or something stupid like that!" Doug laughed taking a swig of the vodka and making a face. "You gonna roll us a spliff then or what?" Doug asked "Haven't forgotten how to do it have you?" he joked I smirked  
"Nah I haven't you would be surprised actually 'cause it was really easy to get weed inside. At the beginning I was getting high like every night, but I toned it down a lot once I got used to being locked up 17 hours of my day." I reached into one of the bags taking out the tobacco and papers and easing the bag of weed open careful as not to spill it everywhere and began expertly rolling a joint. Lighting the spliff I took a swig of vodka making a face "tastes like paint stripper mate." Doug laughed as I passed him the joint, there hadn't been enough weed left in the bag to make me feel high but I definitely had a slight buzz "So? It will make us drunk enough that we won't care about sleeping outside." I nodded in agreement.  
"I don't want to go back home tonight man." Doug nodded in agreement as he blew smoke out of his mouth in great clouds. "At least you got released the second week into the new school year though" he looked at me a wicked look in his eyes "Wow, yeah great fucking fantastic" I said sarcasm dripping off my every word. I took back the spliff puffing on it. "Yeah well, better than being at home Trina doesn't work so she's always home." Doug replied.  
"Wow makes my day better and better this bitch." I said, Doug laughed.

"What's she like then?" I asked tentatively the answer was never going to be good.  
"Well" Doug said after a long pause "She hates me, no clues as to who made her like that." I nodded knowing it had been Dad. "She has no problems with hitting me. How do you think I got a black eye?" I looked away from him not wanting him to stop but because I couldn't bear the thought of him having to go through all of that without me. "She has three kids, twin girls Ella and Sophie and a boy Sam. They are nice kids when Trina and Dad aren't around but they are encouraged to be little shits to me and now you're home you too. When she first moved in she wanted me to move out because she wanted our room for the kids but when she saw two beds." Doug laughed "well, she wasn't too happy because she didn't know about you." I looked round at him, Doug wasn't looking at me  
"Doug, what do you mean she didn't know about me. How can he not have told her he had two sons?" He still didn't look at me, "well?" I asked I could feel the anger boiling inside me coursing through my veins,  
"I think it's probably because, you murdered someone Tommy, who's gonna want to admit they have a murderer for a son and delinquent drug abusing other son?" Still he did not look at me I couldn't believe he had said that.  
"It was self-defence Douglas, you know that." Now he looked at me, he had a wild look in his face,  
"Tommy, I don't know what happened, I wasn't there, and you, only you know what happened." He said, I snorted  
"So now you don't believe me?"  
"I didn't say that Tom."  
"It's the way it's coming across _Doug_."  
"Tell me then Tom, what happened in that house?" he looked at me challenging me. I threw the now empty vodka bottle across the field "No." he laughed and lay down shrugging his shoulders  
"fine don't but how can I trust you not knowing?"

"Fine, for fuck sake Doug. This is what you want; don't say I didn't warn you." I paused cracking open another bottle of vodka and taking a long pause trying to find the right words to start. I sighed and took a deep breath "Okay, so we set up the cocaine deal on that Tuesday morning but Dad had you at home remember?" Doug nodded "so I went by myself to that empty house off West Street. I went in and I had the coke on me 'cause I'm an idiot! I went and sat in the living room and waited. After around an hour I got a bit pissed off that the guy was late. I phoned him and no answer, so after like ten minutes he strolls through the door all like 'what's up man?' so I asked him where the fuck he had been apparently he needed time to sort something out; I knew then something was wrong. I had my gun with me but I didn't take it out or anything, but everyone knows Tommy McQuaid always carries a gun. I said I had the coke and he didn't produce any money so I asked him for it and he was like 'man you aint getting shit' so I cursed a bit. Another guy walks in with a fucking baseball bat so I stood up ready to make a break for it but he smacked me round the head with it the next thing I remember I was on the floor covered in my own blood taking my gun out and shooting the guy who was stabbing me. I don't remember anything else. That's why I only got 18 months. Well four years but good behaviour and I was let out on license after one year, now I'm on probation." I looked at Doug "Satisfied?" he nodded. "Fuck you man. I hate talking about that shit." He nodded again putting a hand on my shoulder  
"I'm sorry man. I just needed to know. It's my fault I wasn't there to protect you and I should have been." I laughed  
"Doug it's got nothing to fucking do with you. If I hadn't pulled that trigger I would be dead. I don't care that I killed the arsehole, I just didn't like the fact they took 18 months of my fucking life away from me for protecting myself."

"What year are you in now then?" I asked, Doug looked at me confused slightly "at school I mean" Doug snorted letting his head fall back he gazed at the sky, "What?" I said  
"Nothing, just well we're now in the same year. I am meant to be in year 12 but I failed my GCSE's so I am now still in year 11." He looked at me "That's a good thing Tommy. I did it on purpose and the teachers know that. I did it so we'd be in the same year and we could go through school together. Anyway we don't have to go on into year 12 if we don't want to." I nodded "True. Although, inside we had small class sizes so I learnt lots 'cause it was either go to lessons or be locked in my cell for an extra 5 hours of my day, and, well you saw my reaction to being locked in." I looked away, flicking the finished joint into the grass a short distance away. "Tommy neither of us were ever thick. We are actually very smart kids. We always got the grades and if the teachers ever asked us a question 'cause they thought we weren't listening we'd always get it right just to shove it in their faces." Doug said, I laughed; he had a point I thought. Frowning slightly I turned to Doug  
"So how come you failed then?" I asked turning to Doug, who shrugged.  
"Didn't turn up did I?" he fiddled with his shoe lace  
"Didn't Dad go ape-shit?" I asked frowning at him "Pass me the vodka." He said ignoring the question. Taking a long swig I passed him the bottle reluctantly. "Doug answer the question."  
"Drop it Tommy I don't want to talk about it." He said not looking at me; he seemed to be very interested in peeling the label off the half empty vodka bottle.

I looked around us, three hours had passed since the conversation about school had happened and I was really drunk. The park was spinning in front of my eyes. Several empty beer cans and the vodka bottle from earlier were littered around us along with a multitude of cigarette butts. I was holding a bottle of whisky which I didn't remember opening nor did I remember Doug saying he'd bought it, I looked around at Doug who was passed out and snoring on the grass, I lay down and shut my eyes thinking about how bad of a hangover we were both going to have and how we would look as though we had slept rough, which in truth is what we were doing. Sleep overtook my drunken haze and I let it envelop me.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's first day back at school and meeting his new stepmother.

Chapter Two 

 

Something was nudging my side with increasing force, I rolled over and opened my eyes Doug was standing there pushing me with his foot saying my name “Tommy, Tommy, Tommy c’mon man we’re gonna be late for school.” He said drinking from the whisky bottle. “How late is late?” I asked Doug shrugged  
“I’d say if we don’t move now we are gonna be late for registration, so get a move on.” I groaned and clutched at my head. “Damn, I shouldn't have drunk that much” I stood up brushing dry grass and dirt off the back of my legs my knees were muddied and wet. I ran a hand through my hair before taking out a long white bandanna from my pocket and tying it around my head pulling out a few strands of hair to complete my look. “How’s my neck?” I asked Doug he looked closely noticing his reaction I said “not good huh?” he shook his head. “Fuck it.” I said taking the whisky bottle from Doug and swigging it as we walked out of the park across the road in the direction of school.

Ten minutes later we were outside the school gates cigarettes in hand we made our way into the school playground the other kids around us moved out of our way with haste. Other kids in little clumps stood and watched us as we moved our way up to the steps of the school. Sitting on one I puffed my way through my cigarette not speaking just watching as the other teenagers in the playground made a point to see if it was true that Tommy McQuaid was back. I grinned at Doug “Not changed much has it? People still want to get a look at me.” Doug laughed. One girl caught my eye though, she had masses of curled black hair, blue eyes and was wearing a little blue dress that stopped a good few inches above her knees and white converse’s that complemented her outfit. “Tommy?” I shook my head and looked at Doug who was stood above me tugging on my sleeve “Sorry man what?”  
“The bell went.” I nodded standing and heading inside before turning to the girl across the playground who had also now noticed me I smirked and looked her up and down biting my lip, she smiled and turned back to her friends giggling. They all looked a little shocked no doubt they would be telling her a few stories about me.

 

“Did someone not like your face McQuaid?” Someone shouted as I walked down the corridor I turned slowly on my heel, as a hush over took the corridor, to look at the guy who had spoken “Beat it Maguire!” Doug said menacingly the guy shrugged  
“I believe I was talking to mini McQuaid” the guy said his voice low.  
“What he said.” The guy laughed loudly his friends imitating him.  
“Oh so now you can’t speak for yourself?” I turned to walk away determined not to start a fight before first lesson. I hadn't even taken a single step when I felt a firm hand on my right shoulder pulling me back around, knowing it wasn't Doug as he stood on my left. I turned with it fist ready as I punched Maguire full in the face he tripped and fell on the floor, blood spattering the floor as it poured out of his nose. “He told you to beat it.” I said simply before turning to walk off down the corridor to my form room. The kids who had been standing watching the scene unfold oohed as Maguire clutched his nose moaning in pain  
“MCQUAID”  
“Fuck sake.” I said I turned around again to face two teachers making their way down the corridor towards the scene, Mr Harrison was walking quickly with Mrs White who bent down to look at Maguire’s nose “Not been back five minutes and you are already beating people up. What did he do? Huh? Refuse to give you his lunch money?” I sniffed and looked at him a blatant uncaring expression on my face. “Come with me McQuaid’s I shall escort you to form room seeing as you clearly cannot do it without causing some sort of chaos.” He took my arm in a firm grip I shook him off he took it again, wrenching my arm out of his hand I turned to look at him nose to nose “I can walk by my fucking self alright? Sir” I said venom dripping off my every word. Kids laughed at the humiliated teacher as I turned and walked off down the corridor into a class room. 

“Calm it Tommy.” Doug said in my ear I turned to look at him before we found a desk at the back of the classroom “move.” I said to a boy sitting in the seat next to the empty single desk I banged my hand on the table and the boy jumped “I said fucking move.” The boy grabbed his books and half ran to the nearest empty seat the class tittered as I sat down pushing the chair back and leaning back balancing on two legs and banged my dirty combat boots down the table as Doug did the same. Mr Harrison had gone back down the corridor to oversee the other kids going to class. People turned round to look at me as I took the half-drunk bottle of whisky from the inside of my pocket and gulping at it revelling in the heat that seared through my throat and down to my innards. Kids look back at me every so often before whipping back around and talking to their friends.

Doug poked me “what?”  
“Give us some” he slurred I laughed,  
“Bro you’re drunk!”  
“Am *hic* not” he smiled dopily at me I smirked and handed over the bottle just as Mr Harrison walked back in I whipped back my hand as he looked at me “Mr McQuaid what are you doing?” he asked in a bored voice.  
“Nothing, why are you accusing me of everything!?!” I scowled  
“Because McQuaid, you are nothing but a trouble making psychotic delinquent who cannot be trusted.” Doug stood up Mr Harrison looked at him expectantly “Yes Douglas?” his eyebrows raised  
“Take that back!” he said calmly the other kids looked up from various conversations, some stopped secretly texting under the desk to watch Doug challenge the strictest and the harshest teacher in school. “I believe I am the teacher here Douglas McQuaid and if you are not sat down in two seconds I will personally sit with you in detention and make you sit in here with me during all your free time for the rest of the month.” Doug thought about it for a second before looking at me, I shook my head indicating it wasn't worth it, Doug scowled before kicking his chair back in place and sitting down.

“Now, for those of you who know there have been a few adjustments to the way things are run around here. One, being a three strike rule. This, Mr Johnson” Harry Johnson looked up quickly with a guilty look on his face as he pocketed his smart phone “thank you, as I was saying, this is where you have three suspensions before being expelled for good, these suspensions will be for fighting, bullying, persistent rudeness to teachers and lateness to lessons etcetera. You also get three warning before the first suspension you get no further warning after this. As for Mr McQuaid” we both looked up “Thomas McQuaid you are on you’re on your first warning.” My mouth fell open  
“What for?” he raised an eyebrow “sir.” I added  
“This Mr McQuaid is for punching Kyle Maguire in the face, from what the nurse said you broke his nose.” Doug and I snorted as some kids looked at me as if to say *what the fuck!* “It was worth it.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

 

The lesson passed without any interest mostly I dozed with my head on the table, we were meant to be doing a worksheet on drugs but Mr Harrison had decided that as Doug and I hadn't brought any thing to write with we were to sit and reflect on our ‘wrongdoings’. The bell went and there was a mad rush to put pens and pencils back in their cases before they all hurried for the door to get to their next lesson. “Thomas if you would be so kind as to wait for a minute, move along Douglas off to your next lesson if you please.” Doug nodded and sauntered out of the door.

“Now Thomas, your head of year and I decided it would be a good thing for you and your brother to be in separate lessons. As your form tutor I contacted your parole officer to have all your school work to be sent here, it arrived this morning.”  
“I only got out yesterday sir”  
“I know that Thomas, I asked last week as I was unsure of your release date, anyway it seems you are actually very bright with natural talent for art.” I shrugged my shoulders “So,” he continued ignoring me “you are to resume the subjects you were doing in prison, here; Art, History, Car Mechanics and Engineering as well as the core subjects maths, English and science” I nodded. He passed me a printed timetable; I smiled happily to see that my timetabled day was a good one:  
Tutorial Period  
Science  
Art  
*break*  
Double English  
History  
*Lunch Hour*  
Double Art  
*End of Day*

 

“Off you go then boy.” I nodded and walked into the corridor and the hustle and bustle of kids walking to their lessons. 

“Yo!” I turned Doug was leaning against a locker  
“Sup”  
“I got the guy who’s locker this was to move to the one you were allocated so we could be next to each other”  
“sweet” I grinned  
“so what lessons you got?” I showed him my timetable  
“What! We only have one lesson together a day which is tutor! That’s shit man!” Doug scowled at the piece of paper that was scrunched in his hand “Yup, apparently they want us split up during lessons so we won’t distract each other ‘cause apparently I am ‘very bright with a natural talent for art’ according to Mr Harrison.” Doug looked at me with a raised eyebrow I shrugged and took back my crumpled timetable. “Sweet I got three hours of art today though”  
“is you gay or something?” Doug looked at me a snide look on his face I punched him “ouch” he said rubbing his arm  
“no I’m not fucking gay”  
“I mean it’s okay if you are” he said ruefully  
“I know but I’m not, remember Emma Stuart?”  
“Ah man she’s a real slag now!”  
“She always was” I laughed “remember she fucked me and Jamie Ellis in the same week”  
“he’s a creep!” the bell went off  
“Shit, the science block is like a five minute walk, meh I’m gonna smoke and then go.” I said grinning  
“that’s the Tommy I remember” Doug said “I have to go though I’ve got PE"  
“Have fun!”

 

I went off looking for a door round the side of the school so I could smoke. Finding the perfect spot I banged the door open “Shit!” someone said, I looked round seeing the pretty girl with the curled hair from the playground picking up her dropped cigarette “I didn’t mean to scare you sorry” I said smiling kindly  
“It’s okay, sorry have you got a light my fag went out when I dropped it, and I just used my last match.” I handed her a red lighter she smiled “thanks” she said handing me the lighter back I lit mine.

“so, what’s your name?” she asked I looked at her amused slightly “What?” she asked  
“Nothing, just, I mean, I’m not being big headed or anything but you must know who I am.” She nodded  
“Yeah, I do sorry, you’re the great and feared Tommy McQuaid.” She said laughing I laughed too  
“I’m not that bad you know.”  
“I can tell most people are scared of you because you murdered someone, but I think you must have had a reason. I mean people don’t go around killing other just for the fun of it well most people don’t.” I looked at my feet puffing on my cigarette before looking at her in the eye “I didn't murder anyone, it was self-defence.”  
“Oh! I’m sorry I didn't mean-”  
“It’s okay” I said I looked at her smiling, she looked nervous. “Relax” I said “I’m not gonna hit you or anything, I also don’t go around hitting people for no reason.” She looked at me a small frown on her face “You hit Kyle.” She said  
“He’s a prick and he asked for it.”  
“Yeah, we dated for a while but, he was just really aggressive and would just be plain horrible for no reason. He probably deserved it.” I nodded.

A few minutes passed in silence as we puffed on our cigarettes. I stubbed mine out before lighting a second. “Don’t you have a lesson to go to?” I asked the girl  
“don’t you?” the girl replied shrewdly I shrugged  
“I asked first” I grinned  
“yeah I do science but I want to be late can’t be arsed with Mrs Winston’s lessons, she is such a joke!”  
“I’ve got science too, with-” I held the cigarette between my lips before pulling out my now very crumpled timetable. I laughed “Mrs Winston” the girl smiled  
“Cool, oh I’m so happy these lessons are going to be way more interesting now.”  
“Is that an innuendo?” I joked winking at her she playfully slapped my arm  
“No Thomas McQuaid it is not.” She took the cigarette from my mouth puffing the last of it and blowing the smoke in my face, she flicked the butt into the ground before turning and walking through the door in the direction of the science labs. I stood there stunned “she--” I smiled before realising I hadn’t asked her name I ran my hand over my bandanna and through my hair. I stood rooted to the spot. Suddenly realising where I was supposed to be I wrenched open the door and sprinted for the science labs.

 

Without knocking I banged open the door of lab the class who had been chatting loudly and chucking stuff at one another paid little attention to me. I sauntered over to the back of the classroom pushing a boy from off a stool and sitting on it “hey- oh” he said realising who I was before grabbing his books and making his way to the furthest free seat away from me. 

“NO!” a woman’s voice shouted over the classroom “TOMMY MCQUAID LEAVE NOW!” I looked towards the shout the teacher Mrs Winston was pointing at the door the kids in the classroom stopped what they were doing immediately looking round at me as none of them had noticed I had walked in. “Why miss?” I asked amused.  
“I SHAN’T HAVE YOU IN MY CLASSROOM EVER AGAIN.” She shouted “LEAVE. NOW”  
“you are who I have on my timetable for science miss, I aint leaving.” I said leaning back against the wall on my stool.  
“Right,” she said “that’s it, I’m getting the head of department to see to this.”  
“Why? I’ve done nothing wrong miss.” I stated getting a little annoyed  
“the chaos you created before you left, caused me to have a nervous breakdown, and that is all down to you!”  
“I don’t remember doing anything misses!” I smiled innocently at her.  
“You boy set my lab coat on fire whilst I was wearing it. You caused a near riot in this classroom that had to be re-furnished after you had finished.” I nodded laughing as I recalled the memory. A few of the other teenagers in the class tittered at their recollection of the incident.

Mrs Winston left the classroom to fetch the head of science I looked around at the few who had continued to stare at me I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the wall “take a picture it’ll last longer” I said to the room at large I half opened an eye lid to see kids sneaking glances at me others determinedly not looking at me.

“Tommy come over here please.” A man’s voice called wakening me from my doze. I opened my eyes and stood up dawdling over to Mr Ellison “sir?” he turned back to Mrs Winston  
“see Mrs Winston, young Tommy here has been here alone with the rest of the class for a good fifteen minutes whilst you tried to find me and he has not created havoc of any kind. I notice you do not have a pen?”  
“No sir.”  
“Here.” He handed me a blue biro I took it and thanked him.  
“You may return to your seat Tommy.” I nodded.  
“No, Mr Ellison, you do not understand this delinquent!”  
“I am right here you know!” I exclaimed Mr Ellison put his hand up to quieten me.  
“Mrs Winston I am sure you are more than capable with handling a 16 year old boy. Tommy sit down. If you have any problems send him straight to me and I shall deal with him.” Mrs Winston nodded resigned to the fact she had to deal with me in her lessons.

I sat down and dozed for the most of the lesson having finished the worksheet given to me within five minutes. With only 20 minutes left I watched the other kids do an experiment with water and shower gel. I was left out of this as I was banned as I ‘wasn’t to be trusted’ it didn't bother me in the slightest. I closed my eyes again resting my head on my arms on the desk just as load of soapy water was poured all over my back. “FUCKS SAKE” I yelled at the kid who’d tripped and poured his plastic washing up bowl over me. I kicked over my stool in frustration.  
“Mr McQuaid if you cannot control yourself I will send you to Mr Ellison.” Mrs Winston said as she walked over.  
He tipped his fucking water on me you dumb bitch.” I raged.  
“ENOUGH! Thomas remove your shirt you cannot wear that all day. Have you any spare clothes?”  
“No only my jacket” I indicated my ripped non sleeved denim jacket.  
“It will do. It is not like you will freeze to death.” I flinched on the word death I hated people talking about anything to do with it, after my mum died and killing that guy. “Come on. We haven’t all day.” She clicked her fingers impatiently. I took off my prison issue polo shirt (as I’d had no time in which to change it) with its stains and tears to reveal my wet torso. People gasped and Mrs Ellison looked shocked as they took in my upper body. Although well-defined and muscular, my body bore the remnants of my father’s assaults and that night at the crack den. Two large scars one running from my right peck over my shoulder and the other ran over my stomach round to my back where the man I had killed stabbed me. Both scars were at least thirty centimeters each. “W-Well um” Mrs Ellison cleared her throat “Put your jacket on Tommy.”  
“Tommy I am really sorry man, I wasn't looking where I was going.” I rounded on him pushing him against the wall  
“stay out of my way and you’ll be fine.” The kid nodded just as the bell went. I grabbed my Biro and my soaking shirt and made a break for the door.

10 minutes later I was back round the side of the school smoking a cigarette I sat with my back against the wall and my arms resting on my raised knees scowling at the floor, the door next to me banged open and there stood the girl with the curled hair. “What?” she shut the door and sat next to me and took my lighter from my hand and lit her cigarette. Finally replying she said “nothing I always come for a fag after every lesson.”  
“Why aren’t you with your little friends all talking about what you saw?” I asked bitterly  
“I am not like those other judgmental little bitches!” she exclaimed a hurt look on her face.  
“Sorry” I said the girl shrugged  
“It’s not my place to judge you. I don’t care what anyone looks like as long as they are nice I’ll be nice back.” I nodded  
“Sounds easy, saying it like that though.” I replied puffing on my cigarette. “What lesson have you got next?” I asked  
“Art.”  
“Sweet, me too but I’m not sure if I’m gonna go.” I said she looked at me confused  
“why not, it’s fun.” I shrugged and scratched my chest “what because of what people saw?” I shrugged again “are you serious? I thought you were supposed to be unafraid of anything and anyone? You are Tommy McQuaid.” She said incredulously  
“Everyone thinks I’m some monster for what I did. They were scared of me before just ‘cause I dealt and did drugs and carried a gun. It’s all a front I am not that person. Ah fuck why am I telling you this I don’t even know what your fucking name is!” she smiled encouragingly  
“its okay Tommy, I’m not gonna tell anyone what you tell me, and my name’s Lauren.”  
“Thanks, now come on we’re gonna be late.” She stubbed her fag out as I flicked mine away and followed her to the art classroom.

“Ah nice of you to turn up Lauren and ah Tommy McQuaid I just want a quick word with you outside if that’s alright. Now class get on with your projects you know what you should be doing.” I watched Lauren walk over to a spacious empty table and dump her books there before walking over to draws with name tags on the clearly finding her draw she retrieved a large half-finished painting of a circus scene. A tap on my shoulder brought me back to my senses I turned as Mr James indicated for me to follow him out of the classroom and back into the hallway.

“Now Tommy, I’ve heard a few things about you and your wild ways, and I am telling you now I am not having any of it. I read about you in the papers.” He now had my fullest attention “the man you murdered was my godson. It took a lot of persuad-”  
“I didn’t fucking murder him.” I said angrily  
“I don’t care what you have to say on that matter boy.” He said trying to defuse the situation  
“NO! You want to see what your precious fucking godson did to me?” I wrenched off my jacket to reveal my scars. The older man looked shocked “I almost died from blood loss and the pain, the hurt I suffered” I recalled the agony I had endured “he attacked me! What was I supposed to do? Just fucking die? Then he would have been the murderer not me!” he stared still disturbed by what he was seeing “the fact he almost murdered me was conveniently left out of the papers!” I said my voice low shuddering with anger. I put my jacket back on my hands shaking with the rage coursing through my very bones. “Tommy. I-I, I don’t know what to say” he said still staring at my now clothed body  
“save it” I said waving my hand the anger that had been so present was seeping out of me. I noticed how genuinely shocked Mr James looked. “Sir, sir it doesn’t matter.”  
“Tommy I am so sorry. I should never have jumped to conclusions.” I shrugged again  
“Whatever” I said “I’m not interested. Let’s just forget this okay?” I said he nodded and smiled before clearing his throat  
“Um anyway, what I wanted to say was that I have seen your sketch book from your previous um education setting” I rolled my eyes “and you are very talented definitely an A star grader.” I looked at him and shrugged  
“seriously Tommy, you could easily get into any art school you wanted with your talent.”  
“My Dad would never pay for it”  
“You would walk the scholarship process.” He said encouragingly. “C’mon Tommy what do you say you draw a few things for me and I’ll see what I can do?”  
“Sure man, whatever” I said believing he was just trying to backtrack on himself.  
“Right okay well this project is on clowns and or the circus.” I nodded “you may use any materials you wish.” I nodded again “alright then shall we.” He opened the door waiting for me to pass through before walking through himself. 

I grabbed an A3 sheet of paper and some charcoal, before joining Lauren at her table. “Is that all you’re using?” she asked I nodded before leaning over the paper and beginning to draw.

The bell sounded an hour later for break time. I looked up from my half-finished drawing half annoyed at having to stop without finishing. “Wow Tommy that’s amazing” Lauren whispered mesmerised by the drawing I’d done. The picture was of a clown sat upon a pail smoking outside an olden-day circus caravan. “Thanks, so is yours” she smiled.

The rest of the day went without anything of interest happening. I spent my lunch and break time with Doug and Lauren smoking at our spot round the side of the school. As the last bell went I bid goodbye to Lauren whom I had begun to really like and not just as a friend, butterflies went off in my stomach every time I saw her or thought about her. I met Doug at the school gates. “Hey man. Are we going home?” he nodded  
“Have to Trina picks her kids and us up at the end of the school day ‘cause they go to the primary school across the road. It’s also to make sure I go home and also that I actually went to school.”  
“Well that sucks!” I said “so I guess this is when I meet her then”  
“Yup, and here she is” he said as a large silver people carrier rounded the corner and stopped in front of us and a tall blonde woman got out of the driver’s seat looked me up and down and said “You’re Tommy then.” I nodded smiling uncomfortably at her the smile was not returned “Get in then we haven’t all day.” I looked at Doug with raised eyebrows as we clambered into the already crowded car a little boy sat in the passenger seat craning his neck to get a look at me whilst the two girls sat in the seats in the boot both stared at me intently I smiled uncomfortably again “are you my big brother” the little boy asked innocently  
“Yes he is now quiet Samuel and sit properly or no pudding for tea.” The drive home was awkward as I stared at the still wet shirt in my lap.

 

After what seemed like an eternity we were finally home. After getting all the kids out of the car Doug and I shut the doors and walked up to the house after all the children, Trina followed shortly behind. As Doug stepped inside I felt a hand pull me by my arm back around Trina stood there facing me a menacing look in her eye. “You go near my kids and I’ll give you something to be properly stitched up” she said indicating my scars.  
“You fucking what?” pain enfolded across my cheek as she slapped me the rings on her fingers harshening the blow “fucking hell woman! I don’t even know you!”  
“I’m your new mum. Get fucking used to it” she said her voice low and venomous. She pushed past me into the house before slamming the door behind her leaving me on the doorstep holding my cheek staring in disbelief after her.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy comes home from the hospital with Doug. Lovey Dovey action!!!

Chapter Three

 

No sooner had I stepped in through the door, the paint of which peeled off in great strips with a hole where it had been kicked in frustration the wood splintered and chipped, I was yelled at to come through to the kitchen.

Walking into the kitchen for the first time in 18 months I noticed how much cleaner it was than it had been when I'd left. The gleaming granite surfaces with matching black appliances and cupboards seemed somewhat out of place with the rest of the house, somebody had clearly forked out a lot of money as most of the appliances not to mention the granite stone were exceedingly expensive. 

I was brought back to my senses when I saw my father walk through from the utility room. I felt nervous now, palms sweating and my heart beat a little faster a knot tying itself around my innards. "I had a phone call from your school today" he said not looking at me, instead opening a beer  
"I didn't do anything, I swear. Well I had a little fight but the guy ask-" I rushed but Trina cut me off  
"You will shut your mouth whilst your father speaks to you. Speak when and only when he wants you to." She hissed my father took a large gulp of his beer still not looking at me. "A little fight! You broke his nose! And from what I understand it was unprovoked." He said quietly. I swallowed knowing there was no way I would get out of the inevitable. "Do not think that just because I work all day that I will not find out about your behaviour at school?" I shook my head  
"I'm sorry Dad it won't happen again I swear." I said nervously hoping this would be enough.

"Jesus!" I cried as Trina slapped me round the head her rings cutting into the side of my head something hot trickled down my ear, I clutched at it and looked at my hand a small amount of blood glistened on my fingers. My father just stood there smiling sadistically. "Sorry isn't good enough my boy." He finished the last of his beer and slammed the bottle down on the counter a cold, evil look in his eyes. I took a step back nervously "Dad please, please I swear it won't please Dad, Dad." I pleaded with him my hands shaking now.

He took a step forward as I backed into the wall looking to my left the door to the kitchen had been left open, scrambling through I sprinted for the front door wrenching it open my father close behind. I began running through the front garden vaulting the wall "TOMMY!" I heard Doug's voice somewhere behind me. The street was full of children playing; I sprinted through a game of street football, hopscotch and nearly collided with a boy on a bike. Women nattering across garden fences and watching the playing children gasped and muttered as my father cursed loudly behind me. I felt a hand on my jacket pulling me backwards I wriggled the jacket off and continued to run the wind whipping around my bare chest. I dared a look behind me and saw my father was only a step behind. I was running full pelt just as a woman with a pushchair crossed the road I smacked into her, she screamed and pushed away as I tried to pick myself up but I felt a rough hand under my arm pulling upwards. I turned and faced my father, handing my jacket back he said "cover your fucking scars, no one wants to see that." I put it on and turned around ready to run again but he caught me by the scruff of my neck. "Oh, no you don't" he said breathlessly as he hauled me by my jacket back down the street towards the house. Women shook their heads muttering to one another again. I saw one or two of them giving me sympathising looks.

As I was shoved through the front door I caught my foot and fell on the stairs "get up and face me like a man!" my father growled. I gritted my teeth and stood nose to nose with the man I had learned to hate. Looking into his eyes all I saw was hatred and loathing. He grabbed the front of my jacket pulling me into the living room. "Sam, Sophie, Ella go outside and play" my father demanded still face to face with me  
"But Daddy I want to watch the television" Sophie whined  
"Me too!" wailed Ella and Sam simultaneously.  
"NOW!" he shouted the children were shocked but did as they were told without further protest. As they left the room Trina shut the front door behind the smaller children.

Before I knew what was going on I crashed into a wall my head snapping backwards into the hard surface, stars erupted in front of my watering eyes. "You need to learn some respect boy!" My father shouted into my ear as I knelt on the floor rubbing the back of my head, as a foot viscously kicked into my ribs. The air in my lungs rushed out of me as I lay on my back struggling for breath. Knowing I had to move I tried to push myself up onto all fours coughing and spluttering clutching my ribs in pain.

Another kick smacked into my stomach knocking the wind out of me for a second time. This time I felt sick but as I hadn't eaten anything since the previous day I dry wretched causing more pain in my abdomen. "Stand up you worthless piece of shit!" bellowed my father "Trina stand him up baby!" all I saw was high heeled shoes purposefully grinding my fingers into the floor, feeling sharp white hot pain in my already pounding head I followed the pain upwards, Trina had a handful of my hair seized in her hand. I was now in a standing position my head leant backward slightly as Trina still had my hair in her hand.

I looked my father full in the face "Dad, please I'm sorry, please let me go." Trina slapped me round the face again, my cheek burned as I seethed in pain, anger rushing through me, without thinking I said "Fucking hell control your bitch!" a deathly silence washed over the room, I trembled in fear as I realised what I had said. "You what?" dad said as though he could not believe what I had just said. Anger clouded my judgement as I repeated what I'd said.

I couldn't have braced myself for the pain if I had tried, every nerve in my body screamed in agony. All I could see on my hands was blood which poured from a split in my eyebrow. One of my eyes had swollen shut; three of my fingers on my left hand were bent at strange angles but were numb with pain. My right arm was wrapped around my ribs I was sure some of them were broken. I didn't even notice when my father hauled me to my feet and dragged me down to the basement and dropping me onto an old mattress covered with the thinnest and holiest blanket in the house, the mattress had been put there for if either my brother or I had been exceptionally 'bad' my father after 'teaching us a lesson' would leave us down here. I rolled onto my better side as blackness engulfed me.

Something wet was being pressed against my forehead my eyes snapped open. There was Doug, sponging away blood from my face, "Dad left, he told me to clean you up. He said if you needed the hospital to tell them you fell off the roof whilst doing some work for him." Doug said looking as though he had a foul taste in his mouth  
"I-" I tried to speak but began coughing violently the back of my throat was so dry, Doug held a glass of water to my mouth with straw and helped me sip the water; it soothed my throat instantly. "I think I broke my hand and my ribs" I managed to rasp. Doug nodded "I think we should go to the hospital you know" I nodded knowing it was for the best.

Several hours later Doug was wheeling me back to our car in a wheel chair. He helped me into the front seat of the car before leaving the wheelchair in an empty parking space. My left hand was set in a cast that went over my wrist holding three of my fingers together. My chest was bandaged so tightly it was a little difficult to breathe, but I managed. I had seven stitches above my left eye and due to painkillers the swelling had reduced slightly.

"I don't think they bought it you know" Doug said as he got into the driver's seat and started the engine.  
"Bought what?" I asked slightly confused my head was still pounding  
"you falling off the roof, in fact I know they didn't buy it because a Doctor asked me about our medical history saying we were very accident prone especially in the last 6 years except an 18 month period for you; and if there was anyone hurting us because there are people that can help." He said as he drove out of the car park and onto the main road  
"uh-huh" I said my head pressed against the cool glass of the window  
"maybe we should tell someone you know" Doug said tentatively  
"NO!" I said forcefully "we said we never would. And we never will, anyway we won't be there for much longer. You're 18 in a few months you can move out." I said my eyes closed and my face still pressed against the window.  
"True" Doug said "but I wouldn't leave you there with him. He may kick me out but I would take you too." I nodded sleepily.

 

 

"Tommy" a gentle voice was saying  
"hmmm"  
"Tommy we're home, c'mon" the gentle voice was very distant and I was so comfortable and that's all I wanted to be "Tommy" the voice said a little louder and firmer. A gentle tapping started on my cheek "HMMM, five more minutes" the tapping got harder "alright, jeez!" I opened my eyes "Oh! We're still in the car!" I turned to see Doug nodding one of his eye brows raised  
"yeah we are you must have been really asleep"  
"uh-huh" I nodded.

 

Doug opened my door and gave me a hand getting out of the car I smiled gratefully before hauling myself up. As we made our way up the drive to the house I noticed there were no lights on "Where is everyone?" I asked Doug who shrugged  
"Pub probably"  
"what about the kids?"  
"Either in bed or watching the telly"  
"Doug its 11 o'clock at night they're like what 8 and 9!" he shrugged again  
"I don't care, not my kids, not my responsibility."  
"Do they..." I trailed off biting my lip as Doug slid his key into the door and opening it  
"do they what?" Doug asked turning to help me through the door  
"do they get what we get?" I asked open-endedly  
"you mean..." he indicated his own bruises I nodded "not really, Sam, I think he's either 9 or 10, he gets a little slap now and then but to be honest it really is just a tap hardly anything." I nodded before sucking in some breath  
"don't you think it will progress from that though?"  
"Shouldn't think so Trina actually does love her kids and wouldn't let any of them get what we get."  
"huh."

Doug helped me up the stairs and into our bedroom where he sat me gently down onto my bed. "There we go" he said putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it before giving it to me and lighting his own. I puffed on it hungrily revelling in the nicotine rush I was getting as I hadn't had a cigarette since school.

"I'm gonna go see if the kids are in their beds." Doug said standing up I nodded "call if you need me" I nodded again. I aimed my cigarette butt at the open window and flicked it with such accuracy it flew through, if I hadn't been feeling as though death was on my doorstep I would have been somewhat elated by this score, instead I moved so I could get the covers from beneath me and fell into a world of sleep.

 

A loud ringing awoke me early the next day "the fuck is that!" I yelled, furious that my dream had been rudely interrupted. I looked around and saw an alarm clock buzzing on the counter "DOUG!" I yelled over the noise  
"Huh! What?" he picked the alarm clock up and threw it against the wall putting a hole through the plaster, flecks of white fluttered to the floor as the clock clanged ricocheting off the uneven floorboards loudly. The noise sounded like an explosion in the deathly silence.

"Shit!" Doug sat bolt upright listening hard as heavy feet hammered up the stairs "don't move Tommy" I looked at him my eyes wide I'd already taken all I could yesterday. The door crashed open banging loudly off the wall, there stood my father shirtless his tattoos seemed darker in the half light of morning he had no shoes or socks on just his dirty light blue jeans that weren't buttoned up with the flies down and his boxers visible. He had scratch marks on one of his bulging pecks, fresh love-bites scattered above the waistband of his boxers. Sweat glazed his chest and he was panting hard. It was evident we had interrupted something we shouldn't have.

He towered in the door way his muscular frame seemed larger to me as I lay in my bed my eyes open the tiniest crack pretending to be asleep. "Was that you, boy?" A deep voice bellowed in my ear  
"No, Dad it was me!" Doug's voice said shakily  
"do you think it is acceptable to be making such a racket at this time in the morning, some of us are trying to sleep, and I am surprised you didn't wake the whole household! If you had woken the twins you would be changing their bed sheets, and you know how they like to wet the bed!" my father said as he moved to stick his face into Doug's. He grabbed my brother by his hair and wrenched him from his bed, Doug let out a moan of pain as our father punched him in the gut as hard as he could. "You boys have no respect for anyone but yourselves! Useless pieces of shit neither of you will ever amount to anything!" he screamed in Doug's face spraying him with spit.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't think." Doug begged  
"No neither of you ever do that's the fucking problem."  
"Why do you hate us so much?" I said finding my voice  
"I never wanted to have kids with that woman, you called a mother!" he hissed  
"You loved her!" I snarled back "You only changed after she died" My eyes watered as the slap unfolded across my cheek "Stay out of this Tommy and you will be fine!" Father screamed spit flying everywhere as he yanked Doug out of the room "get to school!" he bellowed back up the stairs.

I got out of bed as fast as I could with broken ribs grabbing a fresh t-shirt and ripped jeans pulling my bandana out of my pocket and tying it around my head with some difficulty due to my hand. I bolted down the stairs through the living room and into the kitchen I couldn't see Doug anywhere turning around a revolting sight met my eyes. Trina and my father were in the utility room, Trina was topless and my father had his head bent to her tits, she had her legs wrapped around dad's waist, his jeans and boxers were around his ankles and they seemed to be going at it pretty hard. "Where's Doug?" I asked loudly  
"ahhhh, fuck off!" Trina moaned, Dad seemed not to have heard me instead concentrating on his rhythm.

Resisting the urge to puke I moved back into the living room and noticed the door to the basement was shut and locked with a padlock; I banged on the door "DOUG?" and bang sounded on the other side of the door  
"Tommy! Tommy go to school I'll be fine say I'm ill" a desperate plea came from the other side of the door  
"No Doug I'm not leaving you!"  
"Please Tom, just go okay, go NOW!" he sounded desperate "Tom please for my sake if not for your own. Go to school see Lauren, please" I nodded and then realised he couldn't see me I let out a strangled  
"okay" and left the house.

"Tommy, Tommy over here!" I heard a girl's voice calling my name I looked around for the source before noticing Lauren sat on the school steps "hey, how are you?" I asked she looked shocked as I came closer and I noticed others looking at me funny. "What?" I asked suspiciously  
"Your face! What happened to you?" she asked alarmed running to me putting her hands either side of my face, electricity seemed to burn my skin as soon as she touched me, she withdrew her hands quickly embarrassed! My skin still burned from her touch and I felt a hot flush creep into my cheeks. I cleared my throat and said "I was doing some work for my dad on the roof and I fell 'cause it was slippery." I said in a monotonous voice. She looked rather taken aback "Oh! I thought... never mind" She smiled and I couldn't resist smiling back.

"Fag?" I asked she nodded as we turned to walk round the side of the grey school building I noticed one of the school's 'popular' boys watching with a slightly angry look upon his face he nudged his friends and pointed to us. Grinning to myself I put an arm around her shoulder and continued to walk I looked back and smirked at the boy who looked positively murderous.

Lauren looked at me and smiled flirtingly as we reached our spot "what was that gentlemanly act for?" I shrugged opening my cigarette packet giving Lauren a cigarette before pulling one out for myself I lit hers before I lit mine "wow" she commented "What? Can't I be even slightly gentlemanly without giving up my bad boy rebel reputation?" I asked innocently she giggled. We stood smoking in silence for a few minutes just as the bell rang. She dropped her half-finished cigarette "I have to go! Can't be late for Mrs White!" I nodded agreeing, she smiled at me again before kissing me on the cheek and disappearing through the door. Like yesterday I stood rooted to the spot the place where she'd kissed me burned. I raised a hand absentmindedly to the spot she'd kissed. She made me feel amazing; I forgot everything when I was with her! And when I wasn't with her it was like she lived in my head, and I'd only met her yesterday!

The second bell went and I jumped realising I'd forgotten about lessons! I raced through the door and down the corridor bursting through the classroom door. "Sorry I'm late sir." Mr Harrison stood there as though deciding if he was going to let me off or not "Right well at least you came I suppose. Find your seat, where's Douglas?" my heart sank I had been so wrapped up in Lauren that I had forgotten about him. "McQuaid?" He asked I snapped out of my daze  
"He's ill." I replied he nodded  
"Yes your mother phoned to say that you had fallen off the roof but obviously forgot to mention Douglas."  
"She isn't my mother!" I seethed through gritted teeth.

The rest of the lesson passed in a daze all I could think about was Doug. Making up my mind I decided I would go back home after the lesson finished. The bell rang and I made a dash for the door pushing other kids out of my way.

Slamming open the door round the side of the school I noticed Lauren was already here "How?" I asked wondering how she had managed to get there before me and I'd run. "We got let out early I've been here five minutes already." She explained I nodded scratching the back of my head "right um well I have to go home see if Doug is alright."  
"I'll come"  
"NO!" I said rather louder than I had intended. She looked affronted "Sorry" I said she shrugged  
"fine if you don't want me" she said coldly  
"It's not that, it's just-" I bit my lip  
"it's just what Tom?" she asked I cringed as she said my name  
"just my dad he's, well he's not a very nice person"  
"I can see that." She replied  
"what do you mean?" I asked confused she indicated my face  
"You must think I am stupid or something, yesterday you came to school with finger shaped bruises around your neck, today you came in looking like you've been hit by a train! And Doug is always coming to school looking as though he's being smacked around." She explained I stood there my mouth and dropped open at how observant she was. "So? Are we going then or what?" I nodded she smiled  
"great I'll drive"

Ten minutes later Lauren was pulling up outside my house, "wait here." I said and with that I hurriedly got out of the car and sprinted over the mossy uneven concrete. Slipping my key into the door I swung it open and without bothering to close it I ran to the basement door. I banged on it "DOUG?" I yelled "DOUG!" no answer "shit, come on!" I moaned desperately I banged on the door again before noticing there was no padlock anymore. Clattering through the door I ran down the steps and looked around the miserable cellar that held no sign of Doug. "Fuck" I was getting desperate now. I turned and ran up the stairs and bumping straight into someone in the doorway "ouch!" the someone said; I looked up "Doug!" I said relieved. He stood there topless munching on the last of some toast  
"what are you doing here?" he asked confused  
"making sure you were alright" I said exasperated.  
"I'm fine man! After Dad had his icky sex session in the kitchen he said he couldn't be bothered to deal with me and that I'd have to wait till later to be punished" he said with his mouthful. I let out a sigh of relief  
"so aren't you coming to school?" I asked  
"Nah can't be arsed." He grinned "was gonna go back to bed and catch up on some sleep."

At that moment Lauren walked in "Tommy! Oh thank God you're alright" I spun round  
"Lauren, shit I totally forgot you were outside!" I exclaimed she shrugged  
"It's okay as long as you are okay" she smiled and walked over to me and hugged me, surprised I hugged her back whilst Doug wiggled his eye brows at me I gave him the finger. "So, what you want to do now?" I asked "go back to school" she faked a snore  
"BOORIINGG!" she sniggered  
"Okay then well, we could go somewhere, like go on a drive or something?" I said laughing she nodded  
"Sounds good, you guys got any weed?" she grinned Doug and I looked at each other  
"Do we have any weed! What kind of question is that? Of course we have weed" Doug said  
"'Cause we're the MCQUAID BROTHERS, HAH!" we hollered in unison clapping hands and doing a childish 'secret' handshake, Lauren stood there eyebrows raised before she burst out laughing "GOD! You guys are so weird!" we looked at each other and shrugged  
"I'm not gonna go though" Doug said  
"What why not?" Lauren and I chorused  
"I'm not getting in the way of this" his finger flicked between Lauren and I,  
"I, I..."I said whilst Lauren flushed red, looking anywhere but at me. Doug snorted with laughter and crawled up the stairs howling holding on to his ribs. Two minutes later we could still hear him in our room every so often we heard a chuckle. "Um, I'll go get the weed then." I said abashed she nodded.

"Douglas, you absolute prick!" I hissed at him he looked at me innocently  
"yes dear Tommy-kins?" he smiled sweetly at me. I smacked him round the back of the head  
"thanks a lot, mate!" I steamed, he tried to cover his laugh with a cough I shot him a glare and said "give us some weed then c'mon." I said holding my hand out beckoning. He felt his mattress feeling for the slit in it, identical to the one that held my gun, he pulled out a plastic bag full of smaller bags of weed "here's a tens." He said I took it turning to my chest of drawers and grabbing a pouch of tobacco and some papers.

***Author's note: if you didn't know, weed comes in little 'baggies' the lowest you can buy is a 'tens' or a 'ten draw' usually this cost's £10 hence the name ten's the next one is called an 'eighth' or an 'eight draw' or simply twenty, this cost's £20 again hence the name. An eighth is a baggie filled with weed and a ten draw is half that in the same size bag; this also depends on the dealer. I also don't know about America, this applies to Britain. I would now actually like to just personally say I asked a friend of mine who smokes weed, I however have tried and never done again. (Thought I may as well tell the truth)*** 

I raced back down the stairs to find Lauren waiting for me. "Ready?" she nodded and I followed her to her car. I couldn't help but notice what she was wearing, a short black flowing playsuit and black converse, her hair was tied on top of her head in a messy bun, and matching black sunglasses were perched on top of her head. I also noticed her arse looked incredible; her whole outfit accentuated her natural beauty.

Three hours later we were higher than a cloud, as we lay on the roof of Lauren's car basking in the sunlight. We had parked the car on top of a cliff overlooking the sea, the waves crashed onto the rocks below, the sun hung low in the sky giving the both of us an extra good high. She looked at me and burst out laughing "what?" I asked grinning she continued to laugh "seriously what?" I asked beginning to laugh along  
"you're Tommy fucking McQuaid!" she panted for breath before bursting into cackles again wiping tears from her eyes.

I grabbed her sides and began to tickle her. She squealed and wriggled trying to get away, she slid off the side of the car and began running away from me, she turned to look at me giving me the finger believing she had gotten away. Deciding to show off I stood on the roof and back flipped off the car regretting it wincing in pain from my broken ribs. Ignoring it I tore after her she squealed and began running again but she was no match for me.

I soon caught her up and grabbed her pulling her into a fireman's lift she screamed giggling slapping my back and kicking her legs laughing "LET ME DOWN THOMAS MCQUAID!" she shrieked I laughed  
"NEVER!" I started to run with her still over my shoulder back to the car.

As we got closer I let her down and looked into her sparkling deep blue eyes, she grinned looking down and back into my charcoal eyes. I tickled her again until she was a dribbling mess on the floor. I straddled her she wriggled beneath me knocking me off balance slightly I was now leaning over her my elbow supporting me on the grass next to her head. I looked into her eyes as our laughter subsided we looked at each other in silence.

I leant down and kissed her lips softly, fire immediately seemed to erupt where our lips touched, the burning sensation jumping over my skin. She cupped my face in her hand and brought her lips to mine. Our second kiss was longer I pushed my tongue against her lips begging for access, she granted it and the kiss became harder more desperate and passionate soon her hands were tangled in my hair she pulled off my bandana and gripped my hair tightly as I ran my hand down her back. We were sat now, or rather I had my legs splayed out as she sat in my lap every so often she ground herself on to me. A slight moan escaped my lips as I tugged gently at the zip at the back of the playsuit, pulling the zip down slowly waiting for any sign that she might stop which she didn't. I pulled it down all the way and slid my hand onto her bare back she shivered beneath my touch. I brought both my hands up her arms tugging at the sleeves of the suit. She shrugged the top half of it off. I now had full access to her breasts, taking advantage of this I ran my nails down her back and through onto her stomach going down to her bikini line, she let out a moan as I lingered there for a few extra seconds before running my hand slowly up her stomach to cup one of her boobs in my hand. I felt a slight tug at the hem of my t-shirt I obligingly raised my arms at it was pulled off, revealing my tightly wrapped bandages that ran from the bottom of my pecks to just about my navel.

She bent her head down and ran her tongue from the centre of my chest up my neck and back to my mouth her teeth catching my lip and she tugged on it gently, her eyes were filled with lust and passion. Just then a drop of water landed on my nose, and then one on my hand and as though teasing me one landed on Laurens perky breast. "Fuck sake" I swore as the moment had been ruined, I looked at Lauren who was fumbling with her zip I leaned over and did it for her she looked at me disappointment clear in her face.


	5. Boys Will Be Boys: Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Sitting in the back of the police van I watched Lauren who sat opposite me, she caught my eye and grinned, I returned it with a small smirk. Doug sat next to me eyes closed head resting against the metal mesh of the cage in the back of the van. My wrists were beginning to ache with the angle that the handcuffs kept them in. Blood was running down my face from a gash in my head and my knuckles were bloodied and bruised, Doug was in a similar state although blood ran from his split lip.

Half an hour earlier. 

Sitting in Doug's car smoking a spliff the clouds of smoke making the windows steam up. "C'mon man I'm so bored" Lauren whined at Doug "And I'm hungry" who turned in his seat to look at her, she gave him big round puppy-dog eyes   
"Oh come on are you being serious?" Doug asked laughing at her   
"Aw c'mon, don't you think everything tastes amazing when you're high?" she said I nodded agreeing "Right, that's settled then Douglas drive us to a pizza place! And step on it bulls-eye!" I laughed at her   
"I think it's actually 'Ride like the wind bulls-eye'" she slapped my arm   
"shut up Thomas!" I shrugged still laughing.

Twenty minutes later we were parked across the road from a pizza place whilst Lauren was inside ordering. I looked up and down the street; there was a bar two shops down from the pizza place, and a kebab van parked just outside. Three drunken men in their late twenties milled around in the street eating kebabs.

Lauren came out a few minutes later and walked right past the kebab van to cross the road to our car. "Oi darlin' lookin' for a good time!" one of the drunks leered at her; she ignored him and carried on walking. He grabbed her arm pulling her back to him   
"you really don't want to be doing that." She said quietly   
"Oh yeah, why not?" the man leered "you a lezzer?"   
Lauren sighed "no I'm not but I do have a boyfriend, and you really don't want to meet him" the drunk and his friends laughed   
"how old are you darlin'? Fourteen, fifteen?" he jeered.   
"Sixteen actually-"  
"So you're legal then? Excellent" he started to drag her back down the street toward a dingy alleyway   
"get the fuck off me, if I scream and my boyfriend comes out you'll be fucking sorry you perv." She hissed   
"Oh yeah and who's your boyfriend then?"   
"Tommy McQuaid, reckon you've heard of him" Lauren said confidently but the man roared with laughter   
"really!" he wiped a tear from his eye "Tommy McQuaid is not your boyfriend!"   
"Want a bet?" she asked challengingly the drunk laughed again. One of the drunk's friends spoke now, he had dark skin and was wearing a white shirt, three buttons had been left undone with a thin black tie loose around his neck, and black trousers "seriously Barry that kid is a nutter, you don't want to mess with him." The man turned to his friend   
"shut the fuck up Jonty, there is no way Tommy McQuaid is this slag's boyfriend." He said continuing to drag her toward the alley.  
An ear splitting scream filled the night air "TOMMY!" I bolted out of the car looking around for Lauren. I sprinted across the street "LAUREN?" I shouted   
"TOMMY!" I looked towards the alley near the kebab van three men were stood there one had Lauren, he held her by the neck close to him. "Shit! The slag wasn't lying! Tommy McQuaid really is her boyfriend!" the man holding Lauren said. All three seemed to be sobering up a bit. 

 

"Fuck man, what have you gotten us into!" the shortest man with flaming red hair said.I stepped towards ginger and said   
"let her go and there won't be any trouble."   
"Fuck off kid" Ginger said to me  
"You really shouldn't have said that." I said quietly punching him in the gut he doubled over coughing and spluttering hard.   
"The fuck" the man named Jonty said watching as I stood over ginger who was still trying hard to catch his breath. Doug punched Jonty in the jaw whilst he was off guard. "Get up you useless piece of shit!" I screamed at the man on his knees, I turned to see Doug being punched in the face this only fuelled my anger, Ginger grabbed my ankle and wrenched me to the floor, I fell smacking my forehead on the stony concrete, as blood dripped down my face anger surged through me. I turned kicking the ginger man in the balls as hard as I could. He puked and lay in a heap holding his nuts and crying in pain rolling around on the floor, vomit sticking to his clothes in lumps. I pulled him round and punched him in the face and chest over and over until I felt Doug pulling me off him, the man lay there halfway between un-consciousness and consciousness. I was suddenly aware that Lauren was hugging me tightly; the man who'd been holding her had scarpered leaving his friends to their fate. "The kebab van guy called the police" Doug muttered in my ear I felt a hand in my pocket taking something. The man named Jonty was sat leaning against a graffitied wall holding his head in his hands and every so often checking his fingers for blood, which happened to be dripping from his nose and mouth.

At this moment two police cars and a police van screeched into the street, lights flashing sirens blaring. The whole street lit up red and blue; more drunks cascaded onto the street from the bar to watch the drama. "Hey it's that boy what killed someone!" someone shouted from the crowd "Tommy McQuaid!" someone else screeched. A loud cheer went up as a burly policeman jumped out of a car, bundling me into the wall. "Hands on the wall, legs apart boy." He barked and I did as I was told, after he had finished searching me he brought my arms behind my back, cuffed me and threw me into the back of the police van.

 

Several hours later after having been stripped, searched, poked and prodded, stitched up and asked awkward questions about previous injuries courtesy of our father, Doug and I were sat together in a cell waiting for our father to come and collect us, luckily for me Lauren had taken my drugs. She had been released three hours ago with an official warning, as the amount of weed they'd found on her was not sufficient for them to arrest her under intent to supply. A woman, her mother I presumed, had come to collect her, a thunderous look on her face; I recognised her but couldn't place her so I shrugged it off.

I looked at Doug who had his eyes closed, his head resting against the wall "Tommy, I-I'm sorry." I looked at him confused   
"For what" I asked   
"For not protecting you and keeping you out of trouble when I should be the one to set a good example by not getting into fights and dealing drugs. And I'm sorry for not being able to protect you from Dad"   
"Doug, mate you don't have anything to be sorry for. Honestly, it's me that should be apologising I always say smart arsed shit to dad and make him angry. If you hadn't protected me from dad I probably would have been dead a long time ago. And the drugs, man, if we didn't deal them we'd have no money so we wouldn't be able to feed ourselves. So don't go around thinking shit like that." I was cut short by a loud rapping on the bars of the cell   
"I don't need to tell you, your father is here McQuaid's. C'mon you both know the drill." 

"He ain't I didn't hear him did you?" I asked confused looking at Doug who shook his head equally confused   
"I don't know what's up with him boys but he seems to be in a really good mood!" the guard said. I moved closer to the bars holding my wrists out to be cuffed, Doug copied me. A loud buzzing sounded, I stepped back as the door rolled open. The guard walked between Doug and I as we made our way to where father was waiting.

Walking into the booking area Dad was stood talking jovially to the police woman behind the booking desk. I looked at Doug who shrugged as we handed our wrists over to be un-cuffed. "Thomas, we really don't want to be seeing you here again, stay out of trouble remember you still have 2 years suspended sentence. You were lucky that we found nothing incriminating on you. As for the fight we have no credible witness' who can say who threw the first punch so, Thomas take this as a warning, learn from it." The policewoman behind the desk then turned to Doug "Douglas, really? I thought we had moved passed all this silliness we hadn't seen you here for nearly three months; they're going to stop giving you ASBO's and community service they'll give you some hard prison time. Ask your brother what it's like in those places he'll tell you."   
"C'mon lady, I want to get my boys home" Dad grinned clapping me on the shoulder I flinched looking a Doug again, who was watching dad intently. The woman nodded indicating we could leave.

"Come on lads, what am I gonna do with you eh?" dad laughed swinging his arms around our necks as we left the station. "Right, I got beer and I recorded match of the day. Manchester United versus Arsenal. Man U to win eh lad?" he winked at me opening my door indicating for me to get in the car. My hands were sweaty and shaking as we got in the car. I looked at Doug who was twisting his hands in his lap, when he caught my gaze he grinned. All too soon we arrived home. All I could think about was the tightening knot in my stomach that seemed to clench every time I thought about what dad was going to do to us.

An hour later dad had just finished downing his tenth beer, Doug and I sipped on ours afraid to say anything. "Tommy boy I wanna see!" he slurred   
"see what?" I asked half fearful half suspicious   
"what that ar-ar-arsehole d-did to you." He said as though he was explaining that two and two made four.   
"Why?" I asked defensively   
"b'cause you are *hic* my *hic* son." He looked at me his eyes not quite focusing on me I nodded and slowly stood up pulling my shirt off and standing in the light of the flickering bulb. "Jesus he really did a number on you eh son?" He giggled poking my scars with his yellowing tobacco stained fingers. "I guess" I said about to pull my shirt back on   
"leave it off, you look tough." Dad said giggling again. I shrugged and sat back down next to him.

He slung a drunken arm around my shoulder and began to speak again. "*hic* your mother" I tensed under his arm at the mention of our mother he seemed not to have noticed my reaction and continued slurring on "is going to *hic* have another baby" my blood boiled at him having referred to Trina as our 'mother' but I bit back my angry retort as my father's head nodded further onto his chest until he slumped forward into me. I shoved him off and stood up.

"What the fuck was all that about?" I asked Doug who shrugged just as nonplussed as I was.   
"Bed?" I asked he nodded. It had been a long night and after having been released at one in the morning it was now getting on for half three. I yawned and followed my brother upstairs. Stripping to our boxers we got in our beds. "You got any fags?" Doug asked I reached for my ragged jeans I delved into one of the pockets pulling out a packet of Pall Mall Reds cigarettes I tossed Doug the pack after taking one out for myself. A lighter landed on my chest "cheers man, I was just about to ask"

I thought about Lauren, she'd been avoiding being alone with me ever since the day on the cliff top three weeks ago. She hadn't been totally ignoring me but something was up I could tell. I thought back to what the drunk holding Lauren had said about me being her boyfriend. Had she really said that? If she had what does that mean? Why hadn't she said Doug was her boyfriend? Why had she hugged me? Ugh! Why, why, why? Why were girls so complicated! I aimed my cigarette end at the open window it shot through I grinned childishly to myself before closing my eyes.

 

***Author's Note: Firstly right okay about the story (for non british readers) an ASBO is an Anti-Social Behaviour Order, you get this for things like fighting, doing drugs, graffiting stuff etc. This has actually been taken off the justice system I can't remember why. But with the ASBO you get a tag around your ankle I believe you get this in other countries too so yeah I don't feel the need to explain what that is. If you do have any questions about my story please feel free to ask I will answer every single one to the best of my ability.***


	6. Boys Will Be Boys: Chapter Five

Chapter Five

 

Loud shouting woke Doug and I late the next day "DOUGLAS, DOUGLAS I'VE RUN OUT OF FAGS GO TO THE SHOP!"  
"Why me? I aint even eighteen, yet I still have to risk it." Muttered Doug, as he swung his legs over the edge of his bed grabbing his ripped and oily jeans and an equally ripped and dirty t-shirt. "See you in a bit mate" I said rolling over and closing my eyes again.

"Oi get up it's nearly three in the afternoon" Doug's voice broke my snooze   
"piss off man!" I swatted his hand away which had been poking my cheek.   
"I found the cause of Dad's happiness last night and you won't like it" I opened my eyes to look at the little bag that was dangling in front of my face. I took it inspecting it, the contents of which were brown; I gasped in horror "don't tell me that's what I think it is?" Doug raised his eyebrows at me. "Heroin! Jesus that's all we need, even we don't sell this shit." I threw the little bag of brown powder onto the floor and put my head in my hands. "What is he thinking, man! That shit is lethal, even one hit of that can get you hooked, and it's why I've never tried it. Anything else sure, but no way in hell would I touch that, and I'd kill you if you did Doug." I looked at Doug who nodded  
"and I you little bro. Should we tell Trina?" he asked I shrugged   
"maybe." I said "maybe she's on it too?" he shook his head  
"nope don't think so, she's up the duff so I doubt it."

Sometime later we were walking round and round the back alleys of the council estate in which we lived, selling the rest of our dwindling supply of drugs. After three hours I was freezing and the cold was beginning to painfully bite away at my bare hands. I pulled my phone from the depths of my pocket and speed dialled Doug's number "Yo!" his voice crackled through  
"you done man?" I asked  
"Yeah man, I'm fucking freezing and I'm starving wanna go McDonalds?"  
"That is the best idea I've heard all day mate, meet you there?" I replied  
"Cool" He rung off.

I made my way to McDonalds on the edge of the estate, spotting Doug smoking a cigarette sitting on one of the steel picnic benches covered in a sparkling layer of frost. "Alright?" he nodded. A blast of hot air hit us as we made our way inside the restaurant "Yes, what can I get you?" said the spotty youth in a bored voice. I looked at Doug who winked "I think we should try that again!" he said in his most pompous manor "excuse me?" the youth asked his eyes narrowed I leaned over the counter looking him fully in the eye "You should address us as sir, and act as though you actually give a shit" I said also in my most pompous manor. The youth looked a little frightened looking over his shoulder to check where his boss was before uttering a quick sorry. "Shall we try again?" Doug puffed his chest out, pulling himself up to his fullest height   
"Welcome to McDonalds sir and uh sir, how may I help you?" I looked at Doug who nodded putting his best snobbish face on "better, I'll have a three big mac meals go large with a coke, no ice filled to the top." I tried to hide my smirk  
"yeah and I'll have 20 chicken nuggets, coke with seven ice cubes, three tubs of BBQ sauce and a smarties mcflurry with extra smarties." The spotty youth nodded and said  
"yes" I raised an eyebrow at him  
"yes what?"  
"Yes sir, sorry sir."  
"Better." I winked at Doug who was desperately holding his laughter in.

Our order gradually was placed on our tray. I picked up my coke popped the lid looked inside counting the ice cubes by picking them out and dropping them on the floor, "...five, six, seven. That's too many I said six" the youth looked bewilderedly at me   
"I'm sorry sir you said seven."  
"I changed my mind" I said knocking the coke over the till, Doug snorted with laughter unable to control himself any longer "make me another." The youth looked as though he was going to cry, I felt pleasure in seeing his upset. Feeling satisfied that we'd made the boy suffer enough we paid and found a seat in the corner of the empty restaurant.

"W'ass time?" I asked my mouth full of chicken  
"Twelve thirty." I nodded dunking two nuggets into the BBQ dip and stuffing them both into my mouth at once as Doug stuffed half a burger in his mouth. Mum would have thrown a fit and sent us to bed if she'd seen this I thought, I smiled to myself "what?" asked Doug, I shook my head  
"I was just thinking if mum saw us eating like this she would have thrown a fit and sent us to bed." Doug grinned before saying  
"you haven't seen her since before you went to prison, have you?" I shook my head "I saw her a-lot, especially when you first went away." I nodded "Just somewhere for me to go when things got really bad" I nodded again "why don't we go now?" I shrugged  
"I don't know maybe we shouldn't" I said reluctantly  
"Why not?" asked Doug  
"I just." I began  
"You just what!" Doug asked indignantly  
"I dunno man, drop it"  
"No, I won't why won't you tell me why you don't want to see your own mum." He asked his voice rising slightly  
"I just don't want to!" I replied scowling "alright!"  
"No it's not alright Tommy she's your mum!"  
"I just-"  
"just what Tommy?" he interrupted  
"I JUST DON'T WANT HER TO SEE WHAT I'VE BECOME!" I yelled in frustration before standing up grabbing my ripped jacket and stormed out of the door back into the freezing cold. I stomped away from the restaurant the anger at myself for revealing my feelings something I never did on principal, overpowering my anger at Doug for forcing them to the surface.

After sometime I noticed Doug had not followed me. So much for being The McQuaid Brothers I thought bitterly. Before I knew it I was at my favourite spot, the field just in front of one of the runways at the nearby airport. I liked to lie in the field and watch the planes fly above my head and think about how good it would be to just board a plane and go far away, away from my dad, away from the drugs away from everything. Just go somewhere, anywhere with Doug. I lay down in the cold wet grass ignoring the dank moisture seeping into my clothes.

I must have fallen asleep because the first rays of sunlight pierced through the thin skin of my eye lids. I sat up and looked around Doug sat facing me "hi" he said a little sheepishly I nodded at him, he opened a packet of cigarettes offering me one I took it and lit it, welcoming the relief of the nicotine entering my body filling me with the familiar relaxed feeling. "I'm sorry" Doug began I cut him off before he got going "don't be" I dismissed his apology with a wave of my hand   
"no Tommy I really am, I had no idea you felt that way."   
"well what way was I supposed to feel Doug? You tell me!" I replied he shrugged "no exactly" I said shortly  
"I get that you don't want to visit Mum feeling that you let her down-" I cut him off again  
"It's not like that Doug, I just don't want her grave tainted by the fact someone like me has been there. I took life therefore I shouldn't go there. It doesn't feel right knowing I killed someone and going to a grave yard, it feels all wrong just thinking about it. And besides he's in there, I don't want to go anywhere near him." Doug took 'him' to mean the man I'd murdered, who had so nearly murdered me.

I was shivering uncontrollably as we walked back into the house. "Where is it?" a frantic Dad grabbed the front of my jacket   
"w-where's w-w-what?" I asked my teeth chattering.   
"Don't lie you little fucker!" Dad spat  
"get the fuck off him." Doug seized dad's shoulders hauling him off me   
"fuck off" dad turned and grabbed Doug instead "where is it?" he repeated  
"What Dad?" asked Doug just as bewildered as I was  
"my gear where is it? And don't you even think about lying to me!" Doug shrugged   
"I don't know" he blagged  
"bullshit, give it to me!" dad growled his voice low and dangerous   
"I've got it." I said quietly, I had put the bag in my pocket intent on selling it but I'd forgotten all about the brown powder in my pocket. I took the little bag out and handed it over to him "I gave it to him" Doug said desperately   
"no he didn't" I said my eyes on the ground "I'm sorry dad" dad just stood there looking at me before Doug piped up again   
"Dad, I gave it to him, he doesn't even know what it is! I told him to hide it till I could sell it. Punish me dad it's my fau-" Dad turned and punched Doug in the stomach; he fell to his knees clutching his stomach gasping for breath. Dad hauled him to his feet pushing him toward the front door, "I'm taking you to school, so you're outta my way! Wait there I'm gonna make sure Tommy stays put." He turned and yanked me by the scruff of my neck up the stairs into my room, Doug was still holding his stomach panting for breath, but valiantly trying to get dad to turn his attention back to him.

 

Dad successfully managed to shove me into my bedroom "stay put" he said before taking the key for the window so I couldn't escape. He slammed the door behind him and I heard the lock click. Outside I heard Doug struggling with dad and muffled yells "get off me, tell me what you have done with Tommy!"  
"Get in the fucking car" the front door slammed. I moved over to the window and looked down onto the driveway I watched as dad flung Doug onto the backseat of the car and slammed the door shut. I knew he wouldn't be able to get out as dad and Trina made a point of leaving the child locks on the back two doors. I sighed and pressed my forehead against the cold glass of the window and closed my eyes.

All too soon dad's car drew up in the driveway. I sat on the edge of my bed and waited, and waited, and waited. It seemed dad was making me wait it out. I removed my jeans and jacket dropping them on the floor and slipping under the sheets of my bed I decided that if dad was going to make me wait I would at least try and get some sleep. It didn't take long for my eye lids to become heavy as sleep set in.

Some hours later I was woken by dad bursting into the room and yanking me out of bed. He threw me face first against the wall pressing one of his branch like arms against the back of my neck, my cheek squashing against the cool surface. "I own you, boy. Remember that. You are mine" He hissed in my ear, the heat of his breath was uncomfortable upon my ear.   
"Where's Doug?" I rasped out, desperate to know where my brother was.   
"I took him to school; I made sure his teachers knew he was there. So, the answer to your question, no Douglas isn't around to protect you Tommy, not this time. This time you are mine!" The brutality in his voice sent shivers up my spine.

"W-what are you gonna do to me?" I asked tentatively, he laughed softly   
"Something you will never forget." He pressed his body against me, and a fear that I had never felt before coursed its way through my body. I heard and felt him fiddle with his belt buckle and then the unmistakeable sound of his jeans zip made my blood run cold. "What are you doing" I asked my mouth was dry, my hands shook and panic was rising in my throat.   
"Shut up" he snarled hitting my head against the wall. I felt rough hands on my waist pulling at my boxers   
"dad stop please don't!" I began feeling desperate, terror clouding my mind. He didn't listen but pulled my shorts down; hot tears began welling in my eyes as realisation hit me. After a few seconds I felt a coarse hand back on my now naked waist pulling me toward him. "Dad, DAD!" I squirmed trying to get away but he was too strong for me. Pain white hot, like I had never felt before shocked me. I stood there unable to move as my father shoved himself into me. My fathers' grunts brought me back to my senses I started crying out in pain, "STOP!" tears poured from my eyes. "PLEASE STOP DAD, DAD PLEASE" I could not believe what was happening to me. With every one of my father's thrusts pain erupted within me. After what seemed like an eternity he finally pulled out of me.

 

My nightmare was not over yet. My father wrenched me to face him shoving me onto my knees. I was crying uncontrollably and I could feel something hot running down my legs. "Quit crying you little shit!" he raged as he gripped the back of my head, forcefully shoving his cock into my mouth. I gagged and struggled against him; trying with all I had to get this tyrant off. Over and over again he thrusted with a maniacal laugh. Finally he was finished, his hot cum violating my mouth; my head spinning, I just wanted to crawl into a ball and die. I could feel the vomit rising in my throat, my father whacked me round the face, the force of which sprawled me onto the floor. I vomited all over the floor boards; I didn't even bother to move myself I just lay there the side of my face lying in a pool of my own sick, my whole body wracked with silent sobs. He cleaned himself up using the sleeve of the shirt I was wearing. "I'll fucking kill you if you ever speak of this understand" he hissed in my ear a near whisper, I just lay there unresponsive. "Understand?" he repeated "see your precious Douglas wasn't here to save your neck this time. I will always find a way to discipline you Tommy and don't you ever forget it. I hope this doesn't have to happen again." With that he threw the key for the window at my feet, turned on his heel slamming the door on his way out.


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

 

I felt so alone. So dejected. So empty. So empty. My mind was blank as I lay on the rutted floorboards, they dug in my side but I was so numb I did not feel them. It was hard to find the strength within me to try and sit up. I grimaced as pain shot through my lower back. I eased myself to a kneeling position, I ripped off the t-shirt I was wearing, it felt poisonous on my skin and used it to mop up the sick covering the floor. I forced myself to stand and hobbled to the door opening it and making my way to the bathroom. As soon as I got inside I locked the door and turned the shower onto its hottest setting.

Stripping my boxers off I stuffed them, along with the foul shirt, into a carrier bag and dropped it into the bin glad to be rid of them. I got in the shower the hot water burning my skin, although it soothed my aching body. I leant my head against the moist tiles of the wall closing my eyes and willing myself to be washed down the plug hole. It turned out that the something hot that had run down my leg had been blood. I watched it swirl around the plug hole feeling sick. Grabbing the shower gel I scrubbed at my skin, in an effort to make myself feel clean, until it was rubbed red raw. My whole body ached with emotional and physical agony. The water started running lukewarm and then cold. I shut the shower off and got out.

Wiping steam off the mirror my reflection wavered back at me, my cold, hard eyes stared back at me. I hardly remembered a time when I had been happy. Mum died when I was eleven, six months after that was the first time dad ever hit me, me first, always seemed to take everything out on me, saved it all up for me; at twelve I was introduced to drink and drugs soon after I became cold, hard, empty a shell of my former bubbly childlike self. Happy. Once upon a time. I had been happy. As drugs became a habit, I dealt to support it. Thirteen I had started carrying a permanent piece on me. Fourteen a murderer. My eyes were hollow, emotionless, cold.

I made my way back to my bedroom and shut the door. I put on a fresh shirt and boxers, the hot shower had temporarily soothed my pain. I lugged my chest of drawers over the door preventing it from being opened. I got into bed pulling the duvet over my head.

A car pulled up into the driveway signalling Doug was home. I got out of bed and lugged the chest of drawers back from the door and got back in bed re-assuming my position under the duvet my eyes fixed on the wall a few inches in front of my eyes.

The door banged open as Doug clattered in. "Tommy, Tommy are you alright?" he asked in an urgent voice. I didn't reply, my eyes transfixed on the wall. He couldn't see me as the duvet covered my body and head. "Tommy?" he asked uncertainly, he pulled back the cover I still did not reply, nor did I move. I could feel his eyes rake my body up and down, no doubt in search for any injury. "I'm sorry, I couldn't fight Dad off. He took me to the headmaster and told him that you were ill and to make sure I was supervised the whole day 'cause he'd found me trying to bunk off." I didn't even blink. He seemed to get that I didn't want to talk and put the duvet back over me.

*

"Tommy it's been three days, you won't speak, you won't eat, you haven't even smoked. Please, Tommy, please talk to me. I can't help if you don't. What happened when dad got home?" I could hear the desperation in Doug's voice. "Tommy? Even Lauren is missing you" he said as though this would make me leap out of bed. I sighed and closed my eyes. "Tommy, just eat something. I made you some toast." He dangled a slice in between the wall and my eyes. I made no motion to take it. I just lay there.

I couldn't move. If I moved I might do something wrong and if I did something wrong dad would do it again. "For fucks sake Tom, this is beginning to piss me off. If you won't fucking eat fine, starve yourself I don't fucking care anymore." He said, venom in his voice. His words stung, I opened my mouth to reply but closed it again, and then reopened it and said "I've never heard you speak to me like that before" I saw Doug out of the corner of my eye turn round to look at me.   
"Yeah well right now Tom I don't really know what to do. You won't eat, you won't smoke, and you won't even speak to me. That hurts you know, we tell each other everything." He spat at me "At least I thought we did" he added bitterly.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry dear brother. Did I forget to mention that I saw at least eight guys stabbed whilst in prison? Saw a fourteen year old boy gang raped and beaten half to death in the showers. I saw a boy get his head caved in with a snooker ball. Watched as a kid got force-hanged?" I'd gotten out of bed by this point and was stood and yelling getting right in Doug's face. "Sorry if I didn't tell you because I don't want to fucking think about it! What the fuck do you think I see every fucking time I close my eyes? I see all of those replaying in my fucking head like a film! I see the look on the guys face as I pull the trigger! I see blood coming from a thirteen year old boy. I hear screams of kids getting murdered and raped!" Doug looked shocked and appalled as I bellowed all this at him.  
"Tommy I..."  
"Fucking save it, I don't want to hear it. You are the only person I have who truly fucking understands, and you have a tantrum if I don't want to remember all that shit and more? They are all just kids Doug, just kids, they don't deserve that."   
"Tommy you're still a kid. You're only sixteen you don't deserve it either. You deserve a loving mum and dad; you deserve to not know anything about drugs, guns, murder or rape. You should never have seen those things. You're a good kid Tommy but life's fucked you over. It's not fair."  
"It may have escaped your notice Doug but life isn't fair!" I spat, I pulled on my tattered jeans, shirt and shoes. I looked Doug up and down before grabbing my jacket and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

I stomped down stairs into the hallway, it was just my luck that the living room door was open "Where the fuck are you going?" dad asked getting out of his chair and walking toward me. Shit, I thought, "I said where the fuck are you going?" he asked again, I didn't make eye contact with him instead I looked at the floor my head turned slightly away from him trying to shrink back into the wall. "For a walk." I replied inwardly begging he would leave me alone  
"where's your brother?" I shrugged  
"piss off then" he said making his way back to sit beside Trina.

I bolted out of the door and down the street trying to get as far away from him as possible. I walked and walked without a purpose or a place to go. Sometimes I wished Doug and I had friends that we could crash with if things got really bad at home but we didn't, all the kids at school only spoke to us to apologise or too buy drugs and even then they were shitting themselves. We didn't intend to be hostile to others it just happened, like a unspoken agreement between Doug and me that having friends made life difficult, they would notice our bruises and we couldn't always pass them off as fights and general teenage boyishness. 

After a few hours of walking the sun was beginning to rise and I had ended up in the centre of town lying on a bench smoking a cigarette. Smoke and my hot breath plumed above me. I sat up and looked around; people were beginning to make their way to work and various other places. Some were wearing suits carrying briefcases looking stressed; others were pushing buggies and holding firmly onto a child's hand taking them to school. I got up and tried to get a suited man's attention "excuse me"  
"get lost kid" great I thought he too think's I'm scum.  
"Excuse me?" I asked a woman who was searching through her handbag whilst trying to keep two of her three children under control, she looked up and her expression changing from questioning to suspicious "yes?" she asked  
"sorry what's the time?" the woman looked at her watch  
"Just gone half eight love" she smiled at me I nodded and walked off, it would take me nearly a half hour to school from this side of town. I lit a cigarette and started walking.

*

 

The bell had gone a good ten minutes before I walked through the front gates of the school. I strolled up the front steps and banged the door open "excuse me" the woman behind the reception desk said shrewdly "what?" I asked pointedly  
"Lessons started ten minutes ago, what is your excuse McQuaid?"  
"I don't have one"  
"There's no need to be rude McQuaid, or I'll just send you straight to the headmaster, and he will not be pleased to see you. Word has it that you are only here on the skin of your teeth. I should think one visit to him would have you out on your ear." She said in a gossipy manor  
"Yeah? And I reckon you shouldn't be telling me that, stupid bitch." I glowered. I was not in the mood for shutting up and taking it today, I felt like I was going to snap soon.  
"Just go to your lesson and don't let me catch you late again." She said her face flushing red. I flipped her off as I walked down the empty corridor. I dawdled my way to tutorial as I knew Doug would be there and I couldn't be bothered seeing him or to hear his apology which he would undoubtedly give.

"Sorry I'm late sir." I said as I walked in the classroom  
"And why are you late today McQuaid?" Mr Harrison said in a bored voice   
"Sorry sir, my dad. He was making sure I was fit to come in today" I cringed at the lie  
"and are you?"  
"well obviously otherwise I wouldn't be here" I replied cockily the kids in the class tittered   
"Shut up" Mr Harrison snapped at the room  
"sit down McQuaid" I dawdled my way to my seat taking a detour around the whole room before finally sitting down next to Doug  
"the room to your satisfaction Thomas?" Mr Harrison asked I sniffed  
"It could use a lick of paint and the windows being washed but yeah all in all the rooms a shithole sir." I smiled innocently at him. I could feel Doug's eyes on me but ignored his gaze. "Funny McQuaid, maybe you would find it as funny in detention?"  
"Yep" I said popping the p.   
"four o'clock in here then"  
"can't wait." I sniggered, a few kids kept looking back at me as if to say 'oh my god, he just did that.'

After Mr Harrison had told us to get on with some homework so he could do one-on-one sessions with pupils in the class Doug turned to me. "What the fuck did you do that for? Are you fucking stupid or something?" he asked in disbelief  
"Nope, I'm giving myself a reason to not go home so early" I said simply  
"Dad is going to kill you when you don't come home with Trina in the car." I shrugged. I no longer cared he could do anything to me I didn't care; it couldn't get any worse than it already was. I had come to the realisation that no matter what Doug or I did he was always going to hit us, and as for four days ago I couldn't stop it happening then and I won't be able to stop it from happening again if it did.

"What's going on Tommy? What's gotten in to you?" I shrugged again "Tommy, we're brothers okay. Please stop closing me off at every chance you get. I feel like we hardly know each other anymore." He said I thought I heard a slight desperation in his voice but I shrugged it off. However, something in his words was nagging at me. Brothers. I turned to look at him for the first time since shouting at him in our room last night. He had a black eye. "What happened to your eye?" I asked Doug shrugged  
"dad" he said  
"No shit Sherlock. Why did he do it?"  
"Dad asked why we weren't going out together like the little queers we are so I punched him in the face" he said unfazed  
"You did what?" I asked flabbergasted he nodded  
"How are you still walking?" he shrugged  
"that's what I thought." He said "I think it may be because his nose was bleeding pretty bad and Trina was in the room too." He let out a laugh  
"Shit Doug! Give me five bruv" We clapped hands going on to do our handshake.  
"McQuaid's! Are you having a competition as to who can disrupt the class the most today?" we laughed  
"so what if we are?" I asked smirking  
"McQuaid, you already have detention tonight do not make me add another on." He threatened  
"Go on I dare you" I said challengingly. Doug stopped laughing and poked my arm.   
"Tommy, don't man, think."  
"If you carry on I will." Mr Harrison said.  
"Tommy, please don't get another one." Doug warned  
"I won't" I smiled tapping his cheek patronisingly.

The day passed without any interest, Lauren was ill so I hadn't seen her today. I didn't really think about her too much, butterflies no longer flew in my stomach when I thought of her. I could hardly even picture her face. The last time I had seen her was the night we got arrested.

It was quarter to four as I said goodbye to Doug to go to detention. Doug said he would try and soften dad up by telling him I was having an extra lesson to catch up on work, but I knew that the school would have phoned him. I banged loudly on the door of Mr Harrison's class room at exactly four o'clock. "Come in!" I heard him shout. I pushed the door open and walked in "Ah Thomas, sit down." I looked around the rest of the room, I wasn't alone. Two other boys sat writing at opposite ends of the front row of desks. I sauntered over to my usual seat and sat down. It didn't take Mr Harrison long to notice I was doing nothing. "Mr McQuaid, have you nothing to do other than sit there?"  
"Yes sir, I have plenty of things I'd rather be doing but well I decided to give you my precious time instead" I replied cockily.  
"Enough with your cheek! Here" he said giving me a sheet of paper and a pen "Write about why you are here and why you shouldn't turn up late to my lessons and then be rude to me."  
"Why?" I asked  
"because I said so McQuaid, don't back chat me again or else I'll have you in here for the rest of the term, and I do believe your Father would not be too pleased."  
"What's he got to do with it?" I asked riled  
"Shut up and do your work" he said as he turned his back to me walking back to his desk, sitting down and returning to his newspaper.

An hour and a half later I had written a load of kiss-ass bullshit about being the importance of being a goodie-two-shoes, kiss-ass nerd. "It's good enough McQuaid now you may leave." I nodded and left the classroom.

I debated what to do as I lit a cigarette walking down the main steps of the school building. Do I go home or do I go somewhere else? Where though? I didn't have friends. I have grandparents who live close-ish. I don't know what my father told them when I disappeared for eighteen months. Probably that he sent me to some camp or other to 'straighten me out'. I started walking.

It took less time than I thought to get to my grandparents' house, they only lived on the other side of the council estate that we lived on. I stood at the front door contemplating whether to ring the doorbell or not, whether to just go home and face the music. I took a chance and rang the doorbell.

"Tommy!" A hunchbacked, wrinkled old woman said delightedly as she opened the door. "Hi Gran" I grinned she put both hands on my cheeks as old women do. She beamed a wide gap toothed smile at me "come in pet. You look half-starved I'll make you some dinner. We're having chicken pie with beans and chips, plenty enough for a growing boy." She led me through to the living room.

It was a small room, made to look even smaller as it was crammed with odd bits and pieces collected over the years. Two faded black over puffy sofas with white hand crocheted blankets covering them faced the aged television. The walls were lined with random framed pictures; some were of our family others decades old covered in lines of dust. I loved it, it felt like home; felt like a place I was safe.

"Make yourself comfortable, duck" I sat down whilst she got me a cup of tea and some biscuits. I half rammed them down my throat; I hadn't eaten in nearly four days. Just as I was finishing the last one my granddad walked in, he stopped dead "Maggie, the cats need feeding, I want a little chat with my grandson" he said to my gran. She pottered off into the kitchen totally oblivious to the growing atmosphere of the room. I swallowed feeling slightly nervous.

"Tommy" he acknowledged  
"granddad" I said  
"I think you and I need a chat." He sat down next to me "Your grandmother doesn't, but I know what you did." He began  
"granddad, he was gonna kill me." I cut in  
"quiet." He said sternly "I'm not interested. All I'm interested in is the wellbeing of my grandson. I've been inside; I know what it's like"  
"What for?"  
"I stabbed someone, well back in the fifties, this is East London. It's always been rough Tommy. As I said I know what it is like in those places." I shrugged  
"It was ok, I can handle myself granddad." I said and then muttered "no thanks to..." as an afterthought  
"to who?" he asked suspicious "your brother?"  
"No one sorry, forget I said anything" I said quickly  
"your father? I know he has a vicious temper, even I have noticed neither of you two boys ever looks completely unharmed. And not the usual teenage boy bumps and bruises. I know what happens in your house Tommy."  
"I don't know what you're talking about granddad." I said, not quite meeting his eye.   
"Yes, you do. But if you don't want to say anything fine. I won't do anything you don't want. I only hope for your sake that it is the right decision."   
"I aint dissing you granddad, just we're fine. Nothing's wrong just sometimes we need a little extra discipline. It's nothing we can't handle"  
"I wasn't born yesterday Thomas." He said firmly I nodded understanding  
"Dinner's ready" Gran called from the kitchen.

I wolfed down my dinner, and sat there whilst my grandparents gave me alarmed looks. "I was really hungry sorry." I grinned sheepishly.   
"Aw he's a growing lad. My grandson" My grandmother smiled proudly. My grandfather however looked at me a little concerned. It was the first proper sit down meal I'd had since coming out of prison four weeks ago. I'd also eaten it like an ex-con. One arm firmly protecting my plate from anyone, and eating close to my plate.

"Tommy, do you want to call your father and tell him you'll be home tomorrow or do you want to go now? Granddad will give you a lift." My gran said sometime later. I look at the clock just gone nine. "I think it's probably best I go home now, just so I can go to school with Doug tomorrow." I lied; I needed to get home to make sure Doug was okay. "Okay then love, I've put a chicken pie in tin foil for you give Douglas."  
"Harry!" She called "Harry! Harry, have you got your hearing aids in?"  
"Yes, yes I'm coming. Yes I do. Don't start this again Maggie, you know I just got new ones that work perfectly." He said exasperated coming in from the kitchen.   
"Give Tommy a lift home, I don't want him walking home at this time of night, when it's dark around here." My granddad and I rolled our eyes at each other at the old ladies fussing. "Come along then lad" he said smiling kindly putting a hand on my back reassuringly.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" My granddad asked once we pulled up outside my house. I nodded, just so I could possibly escape to my room whilst granddad was here. I fumbled with the key trying to get it into the lock. "Get the fuck in here!" a shout from the living said "you little shit wait till I get my- oh" he stopped short at the sight of my granddad standing behind me "Tommy son, go upstairs" granddad said. My heart pounded in my chest as I raced upstairs. "Tommy! Where have you been man? I was worried. Thought you'd thrown yourself off a bridge or something" Doug cried as I crashed through the door  
"No time to explain granddad's here" I said dropping the chicken pie wrapped in tin foil onto my chest of drawers  
"What!" he said astonished "why?"  
"I don't know how, but he knows everything. What I did! He knows what it's like in prison. He knows what dad's like to live with. He's noticed our bruises man!"  
"I know, he all but interrogated me with a fucking lamp last time I was there! It's why I don't go there much anymore. Unless I'm starving."  
"Are you coming or what man?" I asked he nodded and we crept down the stairs and into the hallway looking through the gap in the door.

The two men were stood centimetres apart both looking murderous "do you think it is okay to beat up two defenceless boys?" granddad spat  
"I don't know what the fuck you are talking about old man, why are you even here? We don't need you anymore. Your daughter is dead. What more do you want from my family?" my father said venomously  
"They are my grandsons, and by the sounds of it you weren't just going to give Tommy a lecture just then"  
"what the fuck would you know?"  
"I remember a time when those boys didn't look like living ghosts! Can you not see what you are doing to them? Can you not see that neither of them smiles anymore? How if they do it's fake and forced?"  
"I aint doing shit! It's the drugs!"  
"Oh and I wonder who forced them into that?"  
"I didn't give them the fucking drugs did I?" My father bellowed finally losing his cool spit spraying everywhere  
"No but your treatment of them sure didn't fucking help!" my granddad yelled back  
"I think you should fucking leave!" dad said  
"No! We are sorting this now! Thomas! Douglas get down here!" I looked at Doug  
"shit" he muttered   
"this cannot be good" I moaned before pushing the splintered door forward at shuffling into the living room, I looked at the two men half nervous half expectant. "Does your father hit you?" my grandfather said, no hanging around just get straight the point I thought. "Not really" I said getting in before Doug, fearing his answer   
"Only the occasional slap if we've done something really wrong like when we got arrested" I elbowed Doug painfully in the ribs to make him back me up  
"ah, ouch, yeah he's right" I avoided my grandfathers' gaze I could sense the disappointment within it.   
"Fine" Granddad said "it's not like I didn't try" he moved to leave the room before stopping next to me and whispering so only I could hear him  
"I expected better of you Tommy". His words felt like a stone dropping into my stomach. I lowered my eyes not looking at anyone staying like that until I heard the front door slam and the car rev on the road outside.

"Why did that just happen, Tommy?" Dad asked silkily, making my skin crawl "I don't know dad. He asked me round for dinner and just started coming out with it saying how he's noticed that we don't look" I hesitated  
"go on" he said still in the same silky voice as before  
"well you know, unhurt all the time, but I haven't seen him since before I went inside so I don't know." I still did not look at him, afraid that if I did I would either be sick or kill him. "I don't believe you, but I'll let it go. Now get the fuck out of my sight the pair of you. I can't be arsed to deal with you right now." I nodded, turned on my heel and headed back upstairs.


End file.
